Author Archives: Kelvin

Tinkling in Tingsryd

      No Comments on Tinkling in Tingsryd

It seems that there will be more than a tinkle going on in the school washrooms in the Swedish town of Tingsryd. A councillor has proposed piped music as a way of catering to students who worry about the noises they might make when they use the facilities. Disclosure. Although I’m presenting the subject in a facetious (faecetious?) style, please… Read more »

The Whine Cellar

      No Comments on The Whine Cellar

My work recently took me out of town again, and as I sat in my modest hotel room waiting for my work day to begin, I wondered what kind of things a less-tolerant-than-me person might complain about when staying at such a hotel. You won’t believe what happened next. I always check all the drawers in a hotel room to… Read more »

Fries or Chips?

      No Comments on Fries or Chips?

When an English-speaking person migrates across the Atlantic, he (or she) discovers that he (or she) [don’t labour the point…] has to re-learn the language. Mrs. H discovered this only a few weeks after we moved to Canada. She was volunteering in our daughter’s grade two class and asked a child for a rubber. Yes, the kids—the grade two kids—picked… Read more »

Fashions That Come Back

      No Comments on Fashions That Come Back

I thought the US$2100 version of IKEA’s blue bag was a reasonably isolated incident of the fashion industry ripping off—sorry, catering to fashion-following sheeple. And then I read this article about a $1500 Chanel boomerang. In the name of all that’s good, honest and reasonable, why would anyone want a $1500 boomerang? And why would someone come up with the… Read more »

The Latest Fashion Accessory

      No Comments on The Latest Fashion Accessory

News item:  Luxury fashion house Balenciaga launches US$2100 tote that looks like IKEA’s $0.99 “Frakta” bag. The marketing department of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Prada Fashion Inc. (ICBINP, pronounced “Ick-bee-inp”) was holding a crisis meeting. Six of the most un-conservatively-dressed people on the planet sat around a table shaped like Italy, waiting for the Vice President to speak. She… Read more »

Are We Running Out of Options?

      No Comments on Are We Running Out of Options?

I have a concern about something that’s of vital importance to music composers everywhere. It’s this: are we anywhere near running out of unique tunes; riffs; melodies? This question pops into my mind from time to time when I hear certain songs. George Harrison’s My Sweet Lord, Men at Work’s Down Under, and The Verve’s Bittersweet Symphony are three such… Read more »

Caution—Student Car Thief

      No Comments on Caution—Student Car Thief

(This piece will be make most sense if you know about the following two news stories, and take the time to read my January 2017 piece, “Returning a Long-overdue Library Book”) News item: Eight-year old boy learns to drive on YouTube for McDonald’s joyride News item: Boy aged 12 drives himself 1,300km across Australia After reading these two news articles,… Read more »

A Novel Take on the Milk Train Concept

Back in the late ‘80s or early ‘90s, whoever it was that was running the over-ground rail network in England came out with a series of much-mocked (but valid) reasons for late and cancelled services. Autumn leaves made the wheels slip on the rails, reducing traction; and “the wrong type of snow” caused the trains’ electric motors to short-circuit. These… Read more »

Now I Know How Smokers Feel

      No Comments on Now I Know How Smokers Feel

Have you heard the latest health freak war-cry? “Sitting is the new smoking.” Yep – you read it correctly. But viewed in isolation, with no context, what does it mean? Is sitting a cool new addiction that kids want to get into? Are we to imagine hordes of tweens skulking behind the bike sheds (or whatever the modern equivalent is)… Read more »

Garbage Collection at the Online Check-in

The text above the drop-down read, “Select your purpose of travel.” There were five options; Leisure, Business, Work, Studies, and Immigration. Really? There’s that much immigration going on that it merits its own option? More so than “Repatriating loved one’s remains” or “Arranged marriage” or “Using up soon-to-expire AirMiles™”? Okay—so AirMiles™ backed off on the “soon-to-expire” thing (In Canada, anyway),… Read more »