(~2 minutes to read)
Back in the late ‘80s or early ‘90s, whoever it was that was running the over-ground rail network in England came out with a series of much-mocked (but valid) reasons for late and cancelled services. Autumn leaves made the wheels slip on the rails, reducing traction; and “the wrong type of snow” caused the trains’ electric motors to short-circuit.
These are memorable events for Brits (and ex-Brits), so when the headline, “Trains delayed by cows on the line in Kent” presented itself to me, I couldn’t help myself—I had to find out more! Were they the wrong type of cows? Was their poop making the lines slippery?
Nothing so happily coincidental. Turns out it was just a herd of cattle that had escaped from wherever they had been ruminating, and were heading up the track towards a tunnel. Unlike Canadian locos, UK trains aren’t fitted with cowcatchers; but even if they were, I wonder if one would have been up to the task of catching sixty in one go.
The name “cowcatcher” is actually a bit of a misnomer; it doesn’t catch, so much as scoop to one side (now there’s a ready-made excuse for a poorly-performing baseball backstop). Also, cowcatchers (in my part of Canada, anyway) are more frequently called upon to scoop aside fallen branches, the occasional deer, elk or moose (I guess), and maybe, just maybe, a cow. They have been known to scoop cars and such as well, but pursuing that thought would be descending too far into macabre humour.
The article features a picture of the cattle lined up on the station platform at Hever (which sounds just enough like heifer for me (and many Twitterers) to point out with no shame whatsoever). Their orientation and general body language make them look like regular commuters waiting for the train, but the photographer’s tweet is littered with comments containing every conceivable cow-related pun known to man (or woman), so I won’t lower myself by including any here.
The BBC article doesn’t explain how the cattle were convinced to leave the track and line up on the platform, but this being something that happened in the garden of England, I guess they weren’t herded there by a beaver.
“What the ****!” I hear you say.
For an explanation, read this CBC report which includes a video of a herd of cattle in Saskatchewan following a beaver. (And yes, apparently they were heifers.)
It seems that Canada has much to offer the British rail network—technology to keep motors snow-free (irrespective of which of 31 flavours); beavers to keep cattle lodged safely out of the way of trains, and cowcatchers for those pesky cows that refuse to adopt the herd mentality and follow the beefed beaver. (Okay—that was too much of a stretch from “Pied Piper”.)
And the cure for those autumn leaves? Do what we do here—grow conifers near the rail tracks.
There. Problems solved.
You’re welcome.