(~5 minutes to read)
It’s a while since I resorted to toilets for humour, and after writing last week’s article (in which I bemoaned the beating-about-the-bush that goes on when using the facilities outside of our own home), I felt the need to compile my own list of euphemisms for that place.
I did my best to limit this list to words that are used in the English-speaking world.
There are some terms in this list that are impolite. If you are faint of heart, you may wish to read one of my other articles instead.
| No. | Euphemism | Notes |
| 1 | Bathroom | A North American term. Brits are sometimes puzzled as to why Americans want to use the bath. |
| 2 | Biffy | No authenticated origin for this word. Could relate to “bivouac” |
| 3 | Bog | Imagine the state of an open latrine after a while… |
| 4 | Brasco | Australian. OED says “of unknown origin”. |
| 5 | Can | Think “bucket”. |
| 6 | Cloakroom | I’m guessing this euphemism started out because the room where coats and such are stored at a public venue is close to the toilet. |
| 7 | Comfort Sation | Term used by Americans to avoid acknowledging that we all need to have a void occasionally. |
| 8 | Commode | Americans actually use this word to avoid using “toilet” to refer to the porcelain fixture upon which one sits. To me, a commode is a bowl or bucket in a seat, with handrails either side, that is kept in a room where a disabled person has access to it. |
| 9 | Convenience | Usually “Public Convenience”. |
| 10 | Crapper | The word “crap” existed w-a-a-y before Thomas Crapper gave his name to the flush toilet. His company also made manhole covers, samples of which may be seen in Westminster Abbey. |
| 11 | Dunny | Australian; short for dunnekin – dung house. |
| 12 | Facilities | Another term used by Americans in denial of nature. |
| 13 | Gents | The Brits are to blame for this one. |
| 14 | Heads | Maritime (naval, coastguard etc.) term |
| 15 | Honeypot | Usually an outhouse. My assumption is that the allusion is the attraction of flies. |
| 16 | Hopper | Toilets designed to function like a hopper were (and still are) found in railway carriages (cars). The allusion seems to have disembarked from the train at some point in the past. |
| 17 | House of Office | Delightful term used in the 17th century. Samuel Pepys uses this in his diary. |
| 18 | Jacks | Irish form of Jakes. |
| 19 | Jakes | Dates back to the 16th century. Why the toilet was given this name, even the OED doesn’t know for sure. |
| 20 | John | Seems we like to name (anthropomorphize?) our favourite room. |
| 21 | Kakhuis | South African. English borrowing from Afrikaans. |
| 22 | Khazi | OED: from Italian casa ‘house’. |
| 23 | Kludgie/cludgie | Scots, northern English. |
| 24 | KYBO | “Keep You Bowels Operating (or Open)”—a (boy) scouting term, apparently, although in 36 years of involvement in scouting, I’ve rarely encountered the word/acronym. |
| 25 | Ladies | See “Gents”. (Mrs. H. once stood outside a public toilet in Wales looking at the sign that said “Merched Women” and wondering if she could tell if she was merched or not. I won’t explain the joke…) |
| 26 | Latrine | Another word for that place that derives from the associated washing. Due to my early reading of “Scouting for Boys”, I always imagine this as a 1ft-wide trench screened by a tarp. |
| 27 | Lavatory | Literally a place for washing; another euphemism coined in the 19th century. |
| 28 | Lavvy/Lavvie/Lav | Short for lavatory. |
| 29 | Little Boys’/girls’ room | Strange one this. It’s the room that’s small, not necessarily the boys and girls. |
| 30 | Little House | Euphemism for an outhouse. (You’ll never think of “Little House on the Prairie” the same now…) |
| 31 | Loo | I suspect this is currently the most well-known British euphemism for that place. Evidence of its origin is inconclusive. I favour a corruption of “lieu” (French for “place”), partly because my friends and I would announce that we’re “going places” when we were disappearing to the bog. |
| 32 | Necessarium | Historically, this was a privy in a monastery. Revived in the 19th century, no doubt by prissy Victorians whose education included Latin. |
| 33 | Netty | Northern English. OED says “Northumberland dialect”, but I wonder if it’s in any way related to the French word “Nettoyer” – to clean. |
| 34 | Office | It’s where you do the paperwork? |
| 35 | Outhouse | It’s a house without (i.e. outside). Most often, not a plumbed in facility, but a seat over a bucket, tank or pit. |
| 36 | Phrontistery | A favourite of mine. Literally, a thinking place. From Greek. |
| 37 | Potty | North Americans use this in a jocular way. When I lived in the UK, this word referred to the portable pot used by children being toilet-trained. |
| 38 | Powder Room | Yet another American avoidance phrase. The allusion is not to a gunpowder room and the potential for explosions, but to the room to where ladies may retire in order to “powder their noses”. |
| 39 | Privy | An old word for the smallest place. From old French “prive” (private). |
| 40 | Restroom | The Americans seem to have no end of euphemisms for that place. And many of them are enough of a stretch that the naming confuses. See “Bathroom” above. In the UK, this really is a place where you rest. If you’ve ever suffered from constipation, you’ll realize why Brits don’t see the connection. |
| 41 | Shithouse | Not a euphemism. Could be a metaphor if you’re talking about your teenager’s bedroom. |
| 42 | Shitter | Not a euphemism either. My guess is that this and “crapper” were formed along the same lines. |
| 43 | Smallest Room | At least this is an honest, descriptive euphemism. |
| 44 | Thinking Room | Many of my articles are dreamed up (or should I say “hatched”?) in the phrontistery (q.v.) This allegedly works for fellow Gemini Paul McCartney. |
| 45 | Throne Room | It’s doubtful you’d wear your crown there, and it’d be a very brave subject (or small child) that would seek an audience with you. Also, don’t mistake their legs buckling for a genuflection. |
| 46 | Thunderbox | Sonic metaphor at play here, I suspect. |
| 47 | Toilet | Yes – this is a euphemism! (link) |
| 48 | Washroom | See Lavatory |
| 49 | Water Closet | Believe it or not, another euphemism |
| 50 | WC | Short for Water Closet |
Did I miss a favourite of yours? Leave a comment.
Here’s an excerpt from the lyrics to “Fifty Names to Give your Crapper.”
The problem is all inside your bowel, she said to me,
The answer is easy if you need to have a pee,
I’d like to help you in your goal excretory,
There must be fifty names to give your crapper
Just sit on the jacks Jack,
Get on the john, John,
In’t lavatory, Lee,
Just listen to me.
Crouch on the can, Dan,
Hop on the heads, Fred,
Lounge in the loo, Stu,
And do your duty.
And if you can weave any of these into a better spoof of “Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover”, please do so in the comments below.
Have you looked up Merched in the Urban Dictionary? I assume not. If you had I would imagine Mrs H would know if she had been Merched or not.
Oh my! Now I have egg on my face!
Oh… wait…
Just goes to show that enough research isn’t always enough.
I can only re-iterate to readers that the intened meaning of the word was the Welsh for “girls”.