(~3 minutes to read)
I don’t suppose your parents wrote down (or recorded?) your first words, did they? Or perhaps you actually remember them yourself; a babble that elicited tears of joy, and cries of “o-o-o-o-ohhh! You said your first w-o-r-d! I must phone your grandma/auntie/probation officer!”
Most people’s first word is “mama”, and naturally mum gets excited because it was her that baby recognized or called for first.
SPOILER! The word “mama” comes from the “ma ma” sound that babies make. “Da da” and “pa pa” need more lingual dexterity than “ma ma”, so it makes sense that mother will be honoured with baby’s first appellative utterance. Apparently, Amelia Earhart was an exception to this sweeping generalization—her first word was “Papa”; perhaps she was bottle-fed (her father had struggles with alcohol). Other celebrities have reportedly come out with stranger first words—Russell Brand’s were “Don’t do that”, and George Orwell’s opening shot was “Beastly”.
More attention is normally paid to people’s last words than their first, if for no other reason than the story behind “Bugger Bognor” (no matter how apocryphal) is infinitely more interesting than the story behind “mama” (although “beastly”s back story isn’t too boring).
Enter Social Media
A person’s first words on Facebook or Twitter provide others with their first (cyber-) impression of that person. Some will dissect that first online utterance looking for clues to the person’s intellect, style, tone, outlook on life and many other facets of that person. The fact that on Twitter at least they only have 140 characters to dissect is inescapable, and to assess an entire personality on such scant evidence is akin to assessing the national persona of the USA based on a trip to Las Vegas. (Oh wait…)
What If…
What if social media had been available a hundred years ago? A thousand? More? What words of wisdom or assurance (or otherwise) might have been tweeted? (Beware—non-politically-correct thoughts follow!)
Taking Mrs. L. to the @FordTheatre to see #Our American Cousin. Should be a great evening!
@AbeLincoln
Said I’d give my right arm to take Santa Cruz #CanaryIslands yesterday. I did!
@LordNelson
Good mtg w/ @AddyHitler today. #MunichAgreement Peace in our time.
@NChamberlain
OMG! Just found out mum was ravaged by the #BloodyRomans! @RealPFJ here I come!
@HeebeeBrian (Cohen)
I tawt I taw a puddy tat! @Sylvester #lolcatz
@TweetyPie
Off to #Hastings #Battle tomorrow lads. Lets give the English #rosbif one in the eye!
@BastardBill
Wah deed Guillaume bring uz to Angleterre? Ze food is crap et ze fazzahs smell of elderberries. #battle #hastings
@AlainLeRoux
Booked appointmt w/ optometrist @sharpsight. Great guys, good service. Just need to get rid of #NormanInvaders first.
@HaroldTheKing
Stop by #Bostonharbor for all you can drink iced #tea. 10pm rain or shine (or snow).
@SunzOvLibberty
Taking my buddies @Brutus and @Longinus out for a beer or fifteen tonight. CU at the @GladiatorsHead 7pm.
@CeasarJules
Ha ha! Look out @Bond007 my #lolcat has *the* worst gas and will fart in your general direction if you try anything. #Thunderbowel
@Num1Blofeld
On Second Thoughts…
On second thoughts, perhaps it’s best that Twitter and its social media buddies weren’t available back in the day. Who knows how history might have changed? The American settlers might have been so busy exchanging lolcat pictures with the local natives that they didn’t pay attention to the British tax law changes. Or maybe Julius Caesar would have been able to patch things up with his buddies and thus avoid his own version of the night of the long knives.
Final Thought…
Is it just coincidence that “SM” stands for both “Social Media” and “Sado-Masochism”?
Your Turn
Do you have any thoughts on tweets famous people in the past might have tweeted? Feel free to share via the comments below.