Weeds don’t come with detailed instructions. Neither for growing nor for destroying. Yet a piece of weed root, plucked from the ground and left in the sun for two weeks, eaten and passed through the digestive systems of an entire nest of rodents, incinerated, ground into a fine powder, and encased in concrete is guaranteed to grow and flower/seed within six weeks.
I’ve posted an article on my website every week since November 1st, 2015. This is article number 174. Most of the stuff I write here is prompted or inspired by real news articles. But the brouhaha about the song “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” did a so-much-better job than I can of satirizing current events in general and the current climate… Read more »
When US President Calvin Coolidge died, writer and satirist Dorothy Parker’s reaction was reported to be, “How can they tell?” Which has nothing to do with the subject of this article, other than the “how can they tell” sentiment. Mrs. H., in common with millions of women around the globe, has what seems like a couple of roomfuls of creams… Read more »
(If this annoys you too, please share. If you like my writing generally, please share.) This week’s piece is a rant. By nature, I’m a ranty sort of person, so writing a rant should be easy—all I need is a topic, and the title of this piece should give you a clue what it is. I’m old enough to have… Read more »
Do these initialisms mean anything to you? S.O.S.; S.M.A.R.T.; R.I.C.E.; S.A.M.P.L.E.; F.A.S.T.; C.A.L.M… I promised myself I wouldn’t rant on this website, yet here I go again! The topic is initialisms masquerading as mnemonics (words that help you remember stuff). Mnemonics work, as long as you remember both the mnemonic and what it’s intended to remind you of. It also… Read more »
One story. Two treatments. The topic is a news report that a UK supermarket is selling meat in touch-free packaging for squeamish people. This article is a rant. The humour is sarcastic, some might say sardonic. The alternative treatment is much sillier, and is based on a mishearing of the headline. Read both. See which appeals to your nature. Headline:… Read more »
Does anyone give a rodent’s rectum about truth in advertising anymore, or do we all accept that the claims made about products are fiction and ignore them? I’m regularly amazed by such claims; so much so that I block them out of my head and therefore can’t recall any, so for now, I’ll make a few up. Fresh cherries! Guaranteed… Read more »
News item: Still Friends? The trouble with old sitcoms Reading the above article this week, I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, be angry, gloat, shake my head, or just do a little sideways head-tilt that older people do when they want to do a generational comparison thing. It seems that those that grew up with “Friends” and who loved… Read more »
Now that the Poppies Are Gone… It’s November the twelfth, and yesterday I was laying a wreath on behalf of the First Okotoks Scout Group. Several hundred people attended this outdoor ceremony at the cenotaph, where the bright sunshine was making the hoar frost sparkle on the trees. It’s a setting that I much prefer to the indoor ceremony, for… Read more »
My name is Kelvin, and I’m an asthmatic. And I don’t care if people call me “an asthmatic”. Last week, I wrote about the trials and tribulations of Mrs. H. having to observe a six-week period of mandatory voice rest. In that piece, I wanted to use the word “mute” as a noun to refer to the person who is… Read more »