A few weeks ago, I wrote that we had American robins nesting in our yard, and that I’d pointed a video camera at them. So far, political correctness hasn’t reached the level of insanity where shooting video of birds without their permission gets me arrested for voyeurism or sued for taking unauthorized images of minors. I finally got around to… Read more »
My name is Kelvin, and I’m an asthmatic. And I don’t care if people call me “an asthmatic”. Last week, I wrote about the trials and tribulations of Mrs. H. having to observe a six-week period of mandatory voice rest. In that piece, I wanted to use the word “mute” as a noun to refer to the person who is… Read more »
What’s the connection between unleashing a dog and starting a gas-powered lawnmower? Answer: they both look the same when Mrs. H. mimes them. Not hugely interesting, you might think, but then you’re not making the effort to empathize with a lady whose ability to speak without pausing for breath is legendary, and who is having to suffer six weeks of… Read more »
Here at the Hatchery (an appropriate name, given the topic), we’ve been watching a pair of American robins attend to their young the last couple of weeks. The eggs hatched about a week ago, and the four nestlings have been waited on wing and claw ever since. I set up a video camera at a respectable distance and left it… Read more »
Have you heard the latest health freak war-cry? “Sitting is the new smoking.” Yep – you read it correctly. But viewed in isolation, with no context, what does it mean? Is sitting a cool new addiction that kids want to get into? Are we to imagine hordes of tweens skulking behind the bike sheds (or whatever the modern equivalent is)… Read more »
Dear Mr. Disney, My name is Kelvin and I’m 10 years old (in my head). I’m writing to you about the choices you have made regarding what I believe are called “re-makes”. In the past 70 years, you have made two movies of Cinderella. In the past 50 years, you have made two movies of The Jungle Book. In the… Read more »
How much of a potty mouth are you? Parents: have your offspring ever heard you swear, or worse, have they learned to swear from you? Why is there even such a concept as swear words? (Don’t expect an answer to that here!) Mother Do You Think He’ll Drop the F-Bomb? This past weekend (March 25th), I was involved in a… Read more »
It seems like I spend a lot of time loitering beneath a red light. I don’t mean the kind that serves as a sign that carnal pleasures are to be had in exchange for coin of the realm. If I did, I’d spend even more time beneath red lights than I currently do, while making less money than I do… Read more »
How well do you know the ceilings of the various rooms in your house? Are they stippled; smooth; papered-and-painted; peeling; “popcorn”ed; patterned using a comb? Several groups of people likely have a head start in the ceiling familiarity game. Here are a few that spring to mind. Insomniacs spend a lot of time staring upward, although for a large percentage… Read more »
Personal experiences are not the best fodder for articles unless they’re paradigm-changing, or heroic, or they cure world hunger. So I’m going to couch this article about my social media virginity in terms of questions that social media harlots can relate to. Last week I tried to describe the inner turmoil of a person who doesn’t see the point of… Read more »