(~2 minutes to read)
How Many Feet Can You Get in Your Mouth?
I suffer from Foot in Mouth Disease. By nature, I’m a shy, retiring kind of a guy, and socializing tends to tire me out. But over the years, I’ve learned to mask my shyness in various ways, ranging from smiling strange smiles at people as a means of visual communication that pre-empts conversation (or creates an instant topic!), to looking for something funny to say about whatever topic’s up for discussion.
Ironically, I have no problems speaking to a large audience (I’ve presented at a UK national Software Conference), or playing guitar and singing on stage (given how mediocre I am, I should have problems!), or even dressing up as one of Cinderella’s stepsisters for a British pantomime. But get me to hold court at a social gathering, and you won’t see my lips for leather. By that, I mean that within a few minutes, I would have put both feet firmly in my mouth as a result of saying something that seemed funny when I thought of it, but…
Two recent examples – on consecutive nights.
Our theatre group, Dewdney Players, was putting on Calendar Girls, and we wanted to find out how far people were travelling in order to see the show. So we created a quick survey that asked the audience which municipality they were from, and for a show of hands for each in turn. A pair of towns about 20 minutes west of us had been poorly represented for several nights, and then one night, seven or eight hands were raised when we called out the towns’ names. My reaction – “Wow – the town must be empty tonight!” – was received with much amusement. Just then, one of my tally workers (helpers who were counting hands) sidled over to me and said, “You know their Mayor’s here tonight, don’t you?”
I don’t remember the next several seconds, so sadly, I can’t describe my reaction (or the Mayor’s). However, I do know that several people found my discomfort almost as entertaining as my original remark.
You’d think I’d learn from that; but no.
Next night, we’re doing the survey again. Another town, about 20 minutes south of us, had been quite well represented for several nights. Then, that night, there were only two people from there. That particular town has a community theatre group too, and there’s a certain amount of very friendly rivalry between the two groups. So what was my reaction to there being only two people from that town that night? “That’s okay – we don’t come to see your shows either!”
Why did I say that? Sure, I got the laugh I’d hoped for. But – really!
So… Mayor Brown, and friends of the Windmill Theatre Players – apologies if you were offended, but thank you for the opportunities to make a very dull survey just a little more entertaining!