(~3 minutes to read)

For yearsandyearsandyearsandyears now, I’ve had a grudge against the word “nice”. It’s a nothing word. It’s a non-committal word. It’s bland, near-meaningless and flaccid. Plain. Vanilla. Un-descriptive.

The trigger that caused my hate-on for the word was a British sitcom from the ‘70s, whose title and details now escape me. A guy had asked someone (partner? Friends?) their opinion of something, and they replied, “Nice”. The guy’s response to this description was words to the effect of, “Nice? Nice, nice nice. Dull as ditchwater!”

I can’t even remember if the character was using “dull as ditchwater” to contradict the notion that the object of the opinion was “agreeable” or “pleasant”, or to point out that the opinion provider’s vocabulary lacked vitality or acuity. Needless to say, I interpreted it as the latter.

The original expression is “dull as ditchwater” not “dull as dishwater”. Another case of misheard idioms, although the mutation occurred long-enough ago that “dishwater” now seems to be the more popular version. A Google Ngram shows “dish” becoming the more popular version in the late 70s, with “ditch” in decline since 1947. Some observers suggest that the phrase will further mutate into “dull as dishwasher”. MS Word’s spellchecker flags “ditchwater” as a misspelt word. Sheeeeeeesh!

Have a Nice Day

The word “nice” has had an interesting journey. Its origin is nescius, a Latin word meaning “ignorant”, and its initial meaning in English was “foolish, silly, ignorant”. At various times since the middle ages it has been used to mean wanton, lascivious, strange, rare, tender, delicate, over-refined, coy, modest, shy, fastidious, punctilious, requiring great precision or accuracy, slender, thin, unimportant, trivial, critical, doubtful, kind, considerate, agreeable, delightful, and pleasant.

When you’re wished a nice day by the person at a store checkout, just what are they wishing you? “Have a lascivious day”—now there’s a thought to send you on your way to the parking lot! Fortunately, most of the meanings listed above were obsolete a long time ago, so I suspect you’re being wished a pleasant or agreeable day (assuming you or the wisher care).

Have You Been Naughty or Nice?

This depends on when Santa was making his list and checking it twice. According to the dictionary I got for Christmas 1963, I needed to be “fastidious, of critical taste, punctilious, particular” in order to appear on the correct side of the list, or if Santa was using the word in its colloquial sense, “agreeable, well-flavoured, kind, considerate”.

I was a lot of things when I was eight years old. I was a bright, intelligent know-it-all; my “friends” beat that out of me when I was ten. But I don’t think I was fastidious or well-flavoured. I guess that’s why I only got a dictionary for Christmas. (Kidding, M&D—the fact I kept it is testimony to how much I appreciated it as a gift!)

Here’s Another Nice Mess You’ve Gotten Me Into

“Nice” is frequently used ironically. Those of you who are old enough (or interested enough) to know about Laurel and Hardy may be surprised to know that the heading above is the correct quote—Ollie never said “…fine mess…”

So now I’m worried about that store checkout farewell—are they all being ironic?

Nice One, Reg!

I hope you’ve found this article informative and somewhat entertaining. Thanks to irony, the phrase “Nice one…” can be interpreted two ways, so either way, I know you’ll agree with that heading!

Your Turn

Do you find the word “nice” precise enough? What other words do you find to be excessively bland? Have you nursed a grudge against a word for over half your life? Let the world know by leaving a comment.