(~6 minutes to read)
With Christmas just around the corner, I thought I’d learn a little about that sing-song staple of the season, The Twelve Days of Christmas, and share it here.
It’s a song that most of us learn as kids. It’s a song we teach our kids. It’s a song that gets trundled out at many Carol concerts.
And it’s a song that gets parodied, abused, and mangled in every conceivable way.
On the First Day…
The origins of the song may be lost forever, although some claim it as a Scottish song, while others believe it to come from France. Whichever country it’s from, the words lead me to hazard a guess that it comes from indulgence in recreational pharmaceuticals. Some of the claims for its meaning might come courtesy of those same drugs—for example, the song is purported to be a way for Roman Catholic children to learn their catechism in England at a time when Catholicism was illegal.
The earliest recorded version (recorded as in printed, not audio/video…) is dated 1780. Those nice folks at Wikipedia have tabulated various versions that have been published since then.
Frederic Austin, an English composer, was the originator of the tune and arrangement that is familiar to most of us these days. He committed it to paper in 1909, and gave us that rousing “five g-o-l-d rings!” He apparently changed the four “colly birds” to “calling birds” as well, although I’m pretty sure I learned the song with “colly”—I must have had a really old songbook!
Despite Austin’s standardization of the song, the order of the gifts has varied a few times. Perry Como had eleven lords, ten ladies and nine pipers (perhaps they couldn’t hire enough competent pipers for the video?).
Two Parodies…
Two? Only two?!? There’s a bazillion out there. But here are two particularly bad ones (my opinion and you’re welcome to it.)
The parody that the wonderweb really really really wanted me to look at was one called “The Twelve Daze of Christmas”. It was made famous by a well-known (in Vegas?) gal named Fay McKay. I watched several versions of it and wanted it to be funny but was disappointed.
sample 1
The gifts are different alcoholic beverages, and as the song progresses, the singer becomes increasingly incoherent (or is that decreasingly coherent?).
There are many possible reasons why I couldn’t raise a smile, among them being that I’m not familiar with some of the drinks she mentions. A more likely reason though is that it just isn’t my kind of humour.
Jeff Foxworthy, an American TV personality, did a version called the “Redneck Days of Christmas”. You can watch it here if you’re the kind of person that would do that.
Five Kangaroos?
Given that Christmas is a completely different experience in the southern hemisphere, the locals have made the gifts more relevant to their own surroundings. Presumably there aren’t any colly birds in Australia, and I can’t imagine that obtaining a cricket team’s-worth of leaping lords is an easy job down under, so I can see the motivation for change.
But just like their cousins in the northern hemisphere, they can’t make up their minds about what gifts should be given on which day. Here are samples of the Australian and Kiwi versions of the gifts.
| Australia | Australia | Australia | New Zealand | |
| 12 | Parrots prattling | Parrots prattling | Possums playing | Piupius swinging |
| 11 | Numbats nagging | Numbats nagging | Lizards leaping | Haka lessons |
| 10 | Lizards leaping | Lizards leaping | Wombats washing | Juicy fish heads |
| 9 | Wombats working | Wombats working | Crocs a-snoozing | Sacks of pipis |
| 8 | Possums playing | Dingoes digging | Dingoes dancing | Plants of puha |
| 7 | Koalas climbing | Possums playing | Emus laying | Eels a-swimming |
| 6 | Platypuses | Brolgas dancing | Sharks a-surfing | Pois a-twirling |
| 5 | Kangaroos | Kangaroos | Kangaroos | Big fat pigs |
| 4 | Kookaburras | Koalas cuddling | Lyrebirds | Huhu grubs |
| 3 | Jabirus | Kookaburras laughing | Wet galahs | Flax kits |
| 2 | Pink galahs | Pink galahs | Snakes on skis | Kumera |
| 1 | An emu up a gum tree | An emu up a gum tree | An emu up a gum tree | A pukeko in a ponga tree |
Trips to Australia and New Zealand are definitely on my bucket list, and now I can’t wait to see a pukeko in a ponga tree! Although—perhaps I should try to get a glimpse of a partridge in a pear tree before my senses get overloaded by something more exotic.
Not to be outdone, a group of South Africans have put their own version together to suit their country. I have to confess that I didn’t research far enough to determine how widespread the version is, but apparently lots of South African ex-pats love it.
The gifts are: 12 hours to Durban, 11 watermelons, 10 Wimpy coffees, 9 pairs of crocs, 8 Chappies chewing, 7 maatjies braaing, 6 packs of Castle, 5 Koeksisters, 4 Frikkadels, 3 stickies Biltong, 2 Droewors, and a Hadida in my tree.
Eight Memes a-meming?
I think I’m safe in saying that using the song as a template has become a meme. It doesn’t take long to find versions that are based on themes as diverse as drugs, Pokemon, George W. Bush, Harry Potter, Minecraft, nerds, and Miley Cyrus. The excellent American hospital sitcom, Scrubs, did their own version, as did the Simpsons and other popular shows.
Apropos for the week in which the new Star Wars movie was released, there are versions that pay tribute to that franchise—I found one from 2006 as well as a 2015 attempt (and like the first six Star Wars movies, the earlier effort was much better than the more recent one).
Twelve Cops a-rresting
There are way too many versions of the Twelve Days of Christmas in existence—that is an indisputable truth. But because there are way too many already, one more version can’t do any more serious harm to the world than has already been done. So here is my dreamed-up-in-90-seconds-version. You’ll note that it tells a story of sorts—almost a parable! The story really only makes sense if you build up from one to twelve, one at a time, the way that the song is normally sung, so get into the festive mood, to heck with those around you—sing and be happy!
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a party on Christmas Eve.
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a two-six of rum (etc.)
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, three French maids, (etc.)
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Four bags of chips, (etc.)
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, five flats of beer; (etc.)
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, six lads a-leching, (etc.)
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, seven girls a-dancing, (etc.)
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, eight drummers drumming, (etc.)
On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, nine pianists pianing, (etc.)
On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, ten drunkards singing, (etc.)
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, eleven neighbours knocking, (etc.)
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Twelve cops a-rresting, (etc.)
Have a safe and happy holiday, whatever you call it. Have a peaceful and healthful 2016.
Kelvin