Short and sweet (or it might be puff and spice) this week. I wrote this back in February for a cub scout campfire, but didn’t use it. Seemed a waste not to use it, so since I hate wasting food, here it is. O camembert, sour dough and grated ham Choux pastry, spuds, in olives, nuts and spam With apple… Read more »
Ever thought that being a princess was a walk in the park? A piece of cake? A cakewalk? (What is it about cakes and walking?) I decided to analyze the attributes of princesses and come up with a job advert. Princessing is no cake in the park, I tell ya! Job Opportunity—Princess Datfoot* Services, a company that specializes in royal… Read more »
Here’s a Monty-Python-inspired parody of a local newspaper. The Pythons’ version can be found in “The Brand New Monty Python Papperbok” (available online still/again via Amazon). I found my version in my files recently and thought it was worth sharing as my contribution to the exabytes of digital detritus dumped on disks in cloud computing facilities around the world this… Read more »
I’m thinking of changing my last name (aka surname). How do “Kelvin Humorist”, “Kelvin Bigrock”, “Kelvin Bignose” or “Kelvin Barking” sound? Many surnames in many countries originate from a person’s occupation (Cooper, Fletcher, Potter) or some land feature or building near where they lived (Brooks, Church, Green), some aspect of their physical appearance (Short, Brown), or where they were originally… Read more »
One story. Two treatments. The topic is a news report that a UK supermarket is selling meat in touch-free packaging for squeamish people. One article is a rant. The humour is sarcastic, some might say sardonic. The alternative treatment below is much sillier, and is based on a mishearing of the headline. Headline: Supermarket to sell ‘touch-free’ raw meat to… Read more »
I came across my 1972† diary the other day. Interesting to see the things I was doing and making note of as a sixteen- to seventeen-year-old. For example, the entry for the 5th September is, “Back to school. Boo!” The following Saturday, it’s “Norfolk Broads—holidays!” Aahhh—those were the days—when pupils could take a holiday during term-time without parents having to… Read more »
Headline: Big Cheese festival apologises for running out of cheese Normally, cheese gives a person bad dreams (or so the old wives’ tales go), but for me, it’s the lack of cheese that leads to nightmares. A cheese festival with no cheese? That’s almost as bad as a beer festival—or even a pub—with no beer. To be fair to the… Read more »
News item: Stink bugs threaten New Zealand car imports The background to this story is much more serious than you would suppose from the headline. But that’s what you get for calling an insect with a perfectly healthy Latin name (Halyomorpha halys) “stink bug”. (The seriousness of the story stems from the stink bug’s rapid global spread and its voracious… Read more »
Life in the south-west of England must be so exciting in the winter. Three incidents in that region caught my eye this week. Sheds News item: Driver caught with shed balanced on car in Newton Abbot The gene pool needs more chlorine, it seems. No. I take that back. Who was it said, “Don’t judge other people, or you might… Read more »
Apparently, we can be blinded by “science” if “science” throws some diagrams, graphs or charts in with the information being peddled. This probably isn’t surprising, if you stop to think about it. In fact, the degree of surprise decreases with the amount of time you think about it, as shown in this graph. This really is a thing, according to… Read more »