Be My Guest

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What is it with businesses referring to their customers as “guests”? Although it’s not the only meaning of the word, I (and I’m sure others) most commonly associate the word with an event and/or an invitation. Nowadays, I’m a guest on websites unless I have an account, I’m a guest at Tim Hortons, on airplanes, in washrooms… What is wrong… Read more »

New Word Order

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If only social media had been around in Shakespeare’s day. Back in February, an eight-year-old Italian boy used the word “petaloso” in a classroom assignment. The word doesn’t officially exist in the Italian language (apparently Italian has an equivalent of l’académie française called the Accademia della Crusca), so the boy’s teacher marked it as an incorrect word, but she also… Read more »

The Theatre-going Public

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Apparently, plays are getting more realistic. A high school production of Sweeney Todd in New Zealand proved a little too real when two pupils (students) had their necks cut during a throat-slitting scene and ended up in hospital overnight. You can read about it here and here. While this incident was not intended, the levels of gore and violence depicted… Read more »

I’m Now a Cell-ovine

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Yay – I’ve joined the flock! I signed up for my very first cellphone plan yesterday! Yes, it was April Fools’ Day, purely a coincidence, but to my mind at least, entirely appropriate. Ever since they became ubiquitous, I’ve looked upon cellphones with disdain, much as I look upon nose rings or fingers-full of rings. No prejudice here; I merely… Read more »

TV Implosion

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I have several books of quotations on my bookshelves, although they frequently spend time in the bathroom. I came across the following quotation that both tickled me and resonated with me. There are days when any electrical appliance in the house, including the vacuum cleaner, seems to offer more entertainment possibilities than the TV set. —Harriet Van Horne By coincidence,… Read more »

“World” Book Day

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I want my money back! A week or so ago, I noticed on the BBC’s website that World Book Day was being observed on March 3rd (“celebrated” seems far too jolly a word for the way that Brits acknowledge such events, but “scowled at” seemed unduly disrespectful). So I thought, “I’ll write something based loosely on World Book Day.” So…… Read more »

A Night at the Opera…

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…is like a lifetime in any other place (to paraphrase the lyrics of a 10cc song). I admit it. I hate opera. Like the musical, it’s a pointless and unrealistic art form. Grown-up people singing at the top of their voices to someone standing not three feet away (or worse, in their arms)—declaring undying love (thus telling us they’ll be… Read more »

The One Year Anniversary

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Just when did this nonsense start? “Today is the one year anniversary of the death of Bart Banger, drummer with the 60s experimental band, The Annoying Guitar Effects.” “Hollywood stars Annika Airhead and Zac Zeroiq celebrated their five-month anniversary today with a line of particularly pure cocaine.” I get that language evolves. I’ve acknowledged this in previous articles. But “five-month… Read more »

What’s Your No. 1 Addiction?

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Why do people develop addictions? Is it to make their lives more pleasant, or merely less unpleasant, or does that depend upon where you are in the happiness scale? Why would a rich kid develop a coke habit? Why would anyone start sniffing lighter fluid or glue? What’s the point in tripping out on LSD? Rhetorical questions, every one of… Read more »