Do you like to go in front first or back first? Or do you prefer to pull through? In case there’s any confusion, let me clear things up. We’re talking about parking. And the conversation is important, as are my opening questions, because society needs to know why a driver makes the parking choice that he or she does. In… Read more »
I wonder what Messrs. Townshend and Daltrey think of their immortal line “Hope I die before I get old” 53 (or so) years after they wrote it? My guess is that they’ve redefined “old”—that’s what most of us do. “Old Age Pension? What a ridiculous name for it!” you might say as you receive your first payout from the government…. Read more »
Two questions for you, related to compliments. Question One. How good are you at taking compliments? Are you gracious? Do you regard them as your right? Do you get embarrassed? Do you overdo the fake modesty? Me—I get embarrassed, and then I worry that I’m overdoing the modesty and therefore making it seem fake. Okay… question two. Of all the… Read more »
I’m thinking of changing my last name (aka surname). How do “Kelvin Humorist”, “Kelvin Bigrock”, “Kelvin Bignose” or “Kelvin Barking” sound? Many surnames in many countries originate from a person’s occupation (Cooper, Fletcher, Potter) or some land feature or building near where they lived (Brooks, Church, Green), some aspect of their physical appearance (Short, Brown), or where they were originally… Read more »
One story. Two treatments. The topic is a news report that a UK supermarket is selling meat in touch-free packaging for squeamish people. One article is a rant. The humour is sarcastic, some might say sardonic. The alternative treatment below is much sillier, and is based on a mishearing of the headline. Headline: Supermarket to sell ‘touch-free’ raw meat to… Read more »
One story. Two treatments. The topic is a news report that a UK supermarket is selling meat in touch-free packaging for squeamish people. This article is a rant. The humour is sarcastic, some might say sardonic. The alternative treatment is much sillier, and is based on a mishearing of the headline. Read both. See which appeals to your nature. Headline:… Read more »
Does anyone give a rodent’s rectum about truth in advertising anymore, or do we all accept that the claims made about products are fiction and ignore them? I’m regularly amazed by such claims; so much so that I block them out of my head and therefore can’t recall any, so for now, I’ll make a few up. Fresh cherries! Guaranteed… Read more »
I came across my 1972† diary the other day. Interesting to see the things I was doing and making note of as a sixteen- to seventeen-year-old. For example, the entry for the 5th September is, “Back to school. Boo!” The following Saturday, it’s “Norfolk Broads—holidays!” Aahhh—those were the days—when pupils could take a holiday during term-time without parents having to… Read more »
Headline: Big Cheese festival apologises for running out of cheese Normally, cheese gives a person bad dreams (or so the old wives’ tales go), but for me, it’s the lack of cheese that leads to nightmares. A cheese festival with no cheese? That’s almost as bad as a beer festival—or even a pub—with no beer. To be fair to the… Read more »
(Yes; this is fake news. But at least I admit it!) A Redmond, Washington company has decided that St. Patrick’s Day has become too commercialized and is seeking to make the lesser-known St. Redmond’s Day the focus of the revelry. Bob Doors, the company’s founder said, “St. Patrick’s Day has lost its faith-based origins. Nowadays it’s all about leprechauns, shamrocks,… Read more »