If GWB was still president, and given recent events, I’m sure he would have been asking his advisers what all the fuss was about a turkey coop in Europe. But apropos my topic for this piece, I’m equally sure he would have had his military folks taking a close interest in southern Alberta right now. You see, we’ve got oil… Read more »
A few weeks ago I wrote a piece that was inspired by a news report that a gull had been rescued from a discarded tray of curry. A few weeks prior, I’d written something that was inspired by reports that the Finnish Postal Service was offering a lawn mowing service. The other day, I spotted a report about a mail… Read more »
Life is too stupidly busy at the moment for me to write something fresh for this week’s article, so here’s a piece from my unpublished archives, circa 2004. In the early 2000s, I worked as a technical writer for the IT department of a major oil and gas company. Each floor of the building had two kitchens for staff to… Read more »
If this was a Twitter post, I’d have called it “Shredded Tweet”, but it’s longer than 140 characters, so there’s another opportunity missed. We just had the mother of all hailstorms. Both Mrs. H and I work from home, and there’s usually someone home at all times, but this afternoon we were out shooting video for a high school grad—the… Read more »
Headline: Spanish town’s giant dog dropping goes walkies “Holmes Detective Agencies; ‘no solution, no fee—it’s that elementary’. Shirley speaking. How may we help?” “Is this Shirley Holmes, great-granddaughter of legendary Sherlock Homes?” enquired the voice at the other end of the telephone line. Although his accent was decidedly Spanish, it didn’t come out like that in the transcription. “You know… Read more »
News Item: Seagull turns orange after falling into curry (Note: this piece was originally posted with the title “Animal Rights”. It was renamed when the Gullsville series was developed.) “Where have you been? It’s three o’clock in the morning!” squawked Mrs. Gull, looking her husband up and down. “And what’s that smell? I thought you were just going out for… Read more »
Headline: Graduates – stop throwing your hats! The following was inspired by the above news report. SLURRY ON THE MERE JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL 2021-04-01 Dear Graduand, As the date of your graduation draws near, it is time to provide some guidelines regarding the celebrations. As you no doubt know, graduation is a time for joyous and exuberant celebration, and we… Read more »
Headline: “Finland’s postal workers to mow lawns” Prologue In Finland, postal workers have started thinking outside the mailbox. In response to declining use of the postal system, Posti’s posties are taking part in a trial of a lawn-mowing service, which will be offered from May to August. (Sounds like their lawn-mowing season’s as short as it is here in southern… Read more »
Ante-prologue http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-hampshire-35743727 An eighty-space rooftop car park in Farnborough, England has remained empty since 2010 because the access ramps, which were designed to be part of a second building, have yet to be built. The following piece, including the prologue, is a work of fiction that was inspired by the above real-life story. The characters are fictional; the two primary… Read more »
(This article is possibly Not Safe For Work (NSFW).) I have to admit that I’m not aware of ever having visited Scunthorpe. It’s a town in east central England that was (I believe) industrialized in the nineteenth century along with myriad other towns. Being the judgmental type that I am, I’ve never felt compelled to visit the place—just its name… Read more »