Category Archives: FAKE (Fun And Kinda Entertaining)

Short pieces that comment on bizarre news items etc.

Sunflowers on the Beach

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Interesting fact: Sunflowers turn to face the sun in order to maximize photosynthesis and to encourage the insects that are necessary for pollination to occur. Mature sunflowers that have been pollinated no longer follow the sun. Scene: a bar in a sun-kissed holiday resort. Mick and Rick, two forty-something guys, are people watching as they sip at their refreshing mid-morning… Read more »

Silly Season 2017

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There was a time when news media reported interesting and important happenings in a sober fashion. Well, for most of the year, anyway—August (give or take) was known as “Silly Season” in the UK and elsewhere. A quick thumb through the internet revealed that the reason for Silly Season is that the amount of government and business news declines in… Read more »

Of Mosquitoes, T Rexes, Turtles and Traps

Skunk crossing sign

Mrs. H. and I recently returned from our longest vacation in thirty-plus years. It was a road trip to the Ottawa area and back, with a ten-day houseboat trip on the Rideau Waterway system in the middle. (Let’s face it, it’d be pointless driving there and back and then doing the houseboat trip, wouldn’t it!) Eight thousand kilometres of driving… Read more »

Salad’s Day

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Timeline: November 2032 The political correctness thing has reached ridiculous levels! Today I was arrested for an article I wrote about fruits and vegetables fifteen years ago, in July 2017. Apparently the fruit and vegetable rights lobby group, “FAV’RITE” (~Fruits and Vegetables Rights) had shopped me to the PC Police for historic abuse of produce, citing the article as evidence…. Read more »

Lost

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Headline: Remains of five ‘lost’ Archbishops of Canterbury found Once he’d gotten over the surprise of meeting four people in the 56 mile-long tunnel, Archbishop John Moore said, “So where are we?” His question echoed its way along and around the walls of the underground chamber at which he had just arrived. “Beats me,” replied Archbishop Cornwallis. “If it wasn’t… Read more »

The Whine Cellar

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My work recently took me out of town again, and as I sat in my modest hotel room waiting for my work day to begin, I wondered what kind of things a less-tolerant-than-me person might complain about when staying at such a hotel. You won’t believe what happened next. I always check all the drawers in a hotel room to… Read more »

Fries or Chips?

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When an English-speaking person migrates across the Atlantic, he (or she) discovers that he (or she) [don’t labour the point…] has to re-learn the language. Mrs. H discovered this only a few weeks after we moved to Canada. She was volunteering in our daughter’s grade two class and asked a child for a rubber. Yes, the kids—the grade two kids—picked… Read more »

Fashions That Come Back

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I thought the US$2100 version of IKEA’s blue bag was a reasonably isolated incident of the fashion industry ripping off—sorry, catering to fashion-following sheeple. And then I read this article about a $1500 Chanel boomerang. In the name of all that’s good, honest and reasonable, why would anyone want a $1500 boomerang? And why would someone come up with the… Read more »

Are We Running Out of Options?

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I have a concern about something that’s of vital importance to music composers everywhere. It’s this: are we anywhere near running out of unique tunes; riffs; melodies? This question pops into my mind from time to time when I hear certain songs. George Harrison’s My Sweet Lord, Men at Work’s Down Under, and The Verve’s Bittersweet Symphony are three such… Read more »

Caution—Student Car Thief

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(This piece will be make most sense if you know about the following two news stories, and take the time to read my January 2017 piece, “Returning a Long-overdue Library Book”) News item: Eight-year old boy learns to drive on YouTube for McDonald’s joyride News item: Boy aged 12 drives himself 1,300km across Australia After reading these two news articles,… Read more »