Weeds don’t come with detailed instructions. Neither for growing nor for destroying. Yet a piece of weed root, plucked from the ground and left in the sun for two weeks, eaten and passed through the digestive systems of an entire nest of rodents, incinerated, ground into a fine powder, and encased in concrete is guaranteed to grow and flower/seed within six weeks.
Short and sweet (or it might be puff and spice) this week. I wrote this back in February for a cub scout campfire, but didn’t use it. Seemed a waste not to use it, so since I hate wasting food, here it is. O camembert, sour dough and grated ham Choux pastry, spuds, in olives, nuts and spam With apple… Read more »
News item: Barnstaple’s pink seagull is ‘talk of the town’ This is the fourth story in the ongoing saga of the Gull family. All have been inspired by stories about gulls on the BBC’s website. Although this instalment stands on its own, you may want to read “Previously on Gullsville…” below before wading through the ordure that is Gullsville Episode… Read more »
(Note: My comments below on various comestibles and gadgets are only my opinion. You may think, believe or opine otherwise, and I respect that!) What is it with sliced bread? Why was it chosen to be the gold standard for new things? I’ll admit it’s convenient. But convenience is about the only thing that Kraft Singles and KD have going… Read more »
News item: “Drunk gulls found ‘stinking of alcohol’” A couple of years ago, inspired by gull-related BBC stories, I wrote two pieces about a Mr. and Mrs. Gull. In the first one, I portrayed Mr. Gull as a beer-drinking, curry-loving, amoral, red-necked gull. In the second one, he met his demise while playing chicken with a lawnmower. A kittiwake named… Read more »
Do you like to go in front first or back first? Or do you prefer to pull through? In case there’s any confusion, let me clear things up. We’re talking about parking. And the conversation is important, as are my opening questions, because society needs to know why a driver makes the parking choice that he or she does. In… Read more »
Two questions for you, related to compliments. Question One. How good are you at taking compliments? Are you gracious? Do you regard them as your right? Do you get embarrassed? Do you overdo the fake modesty? Me—I get embarrassed, and then I worry that I’m overdoing the modesty and therefore making it seem fake. Okay… question two. Of all the… Read more »
Some people know that I’m trying to re-invent myself as a professional speaker. My topic will be using humour to help Boomers in their “Lifestyle Scriptwriting for Tomorrow’s Seniors”. In the course of my cogitations, I pondered on the possibility of offering lifestyle advice and observations to Boomers using the titles of songs. My mind then wandered randomly. Here are… Read more »
Ever thought that being a princess was a walk in the park? A piece of cake? A cakewalk? (What is it about cakes and walking?) I decided to analyze the attributes of princesses and come up with a job advert. Princessing is no cake in the park, I tell ya! Job Opportunity—Princess Datfoot* Services, a company that specializes in royal… Read more »
Here’s a Monty-Python-inspired parody of a local newspaper. The Pythons’ version can be found in “The Brand New Monty Python Papperbok” (available online still/again via Amazon). I found my version in my files recently and thought it was worth sharing as my contribution to the exabytes of digital detritus dumped on disks in cloud computing facilities around the world this… Read more »