(~6 minutes to read)

Why do people develop addictions? Is it to make their lives more pleasant, or merely less unpleasant, or does that depend upon where you are in the happiness scale? Why would a rich kid develop a coke habit? Why would anyone start sniffing lighter fluid or glue? What’s the point in tripping out on LSD?

Rhetorical questions, every one of them. The causes are too complex and numerous for an ignoramus like me to attempt to analyse, but the questions did at least get me a hook for this article.

People get addicted to the darndest things. I’ve already mentioned glue and cocaine. Alcohol and cigarettes are the most frequently demonized substances, likely because they’re legal. Sugar, caffeine, carrots (yep!), chocolate—the list (probably) goes on. And the level of addiction varies hugely—a heroin habit is a little tougher to kick than that daily double-double at Timmy’s. (For those of you unfamiliar with Canadian culture, that’s a coffee with two creams and two sugars, purchased from Tim Hortons.) And those of us who’ve tried to kick the coffee habit can only imagine how difficult trying to kick a horse habit might be! (Assuming we know that “horse” is—or was—slang for heroin.)

What Causes Addiction?

That’s another rhetorical question being used as an introduction to speculation about what the next fashionable addiction is likely to be. Will it be a food, or a drink, or a pharmaceutical, or a piece of technology, or…?

People seem addicted to their smartphones; conversely, the frequency and severity of addiction to snow blowers doesn’t seem to be nearly as severe. They’re both triumphs of technology in their own ways, but one is construed as cool and the other is just a tool to be used in making our lives easier.

So what determines the addictiveness of a given substance or toy? (Yep – another rhetorical question). One of the pieces in a collection I’m planning to publish is about carrot addiction. But what else could people become dependent on?

Substances

Just imagine a world in which genetically modified Brussels sprouts were addictive. Overnight, legions of children (and adults?) would switch from being repulsed by them to craving them. Instead of bribing your kids to eat them (something I really did try), your kids will be stealing money from your purse to pay the sprout pusher at school.

Eating leftover Christmas or Thanksgiving food without Brussels sprouts would be cold turkey in more than one sense.

What about toothpaste? It’s impressive the lengths that the manufacturers have already gone to to make teeth brushing more popular with kids. Sparkles, kid-oriented flavours (don’t get me started!), and armies of cartoon franchise characters have all been tried: needless to say, I’m not privy to how successful each tactic has been.

But what if Colgate or Crest or whoever decided to add crystal meth to their toothpastes? “Crystal” equates with sparkles quite nicely, and the names “meth” and “menthol” seem to be made for each other, so the marketing angle almost solves itself. The only obstacle would be those pesky lawyers. But toothpaste already contains at least one substance (fluoride) that many parents object to; what’s the harm in one more? (Tongue firmly in cheek here—good friends lost a daughter a few years ago; her demise was indirectly linked to crystal meth.)

Let’s now speculate on the consequences of mass addiction to garlic. (Some inhabitants of one island country in Europe might accuse their mainland neighbours of already indulging in that particular peccadillo.) What might those consequences be?

First of all, garlic festivals (such as that held each year in Perth, Ontario) would become infinitely more popular.

Second, security at such festivals would have to be beefed up, since the street value of garlic would increase dramatically until someone decided to flood the market with cheap garlic.

Third, vampires would fall on lean times. Garlic blood is not their idea of a happy meal.

Fourth, it’s possible that pregnancy and birth rates might decline due to garlic intolerance incompatibilities between partners. (Then again, it might result in vampire-proof babies being born.)

Fifth, it’s possible that garlic festivals and music festivals might combine, since both would attract addicts. The Glastonbury Garlic and Grunge Festival has a certain ring about it, don’t you think? And if they’d been serving garlic instead of other substances at Woodstock, just imagine how many more people would remember what went on there?

Sixth, and finally, the government would tax the heck out of garlic—after all, that seems to be the way that other addictions are regulated. The tax could be called GST—Garlic Smell Tax, although it might get confused with another tax (in Canada, at least).

Toys

Smartphones do seem to be the most addictive toys these days, especially when they’re laced with another addictive substance—social media. But what could supplant them? What’s in the technological toy pipeline? Hoverboards? Virtual Reality that’s indistinguishable from real reality? Jet packs? Flying cars? Where’s the addiction potential in these?

The only one with any promise there is VR.

Need an LSD trip? Dial it in! (And hope the programmers have really vivid imaginations!)

Need a few hours away from the pressures of family life, unpaid bills or even homelessness? Select from the menu and play away; you can live la vida loca for a while.

Tired of how easy the rich life is; Suffering from affluenza? Parents handing everything to you on a plate and making criminal charges go away for you? Download a game from the cloud and experience life on the pioneering prairies or the Bangladeshi sweatshops for a few hours.

VR is getting better and better. Picture rendering is more realistic. Sound is more authentic. The range of scenarios and pseudo-random interactions is growing ever larger. Its addiction potential is huge.

And I’m in danger of getting serious here.

Life—the Ultimate Addiction

The only thing we should really allow ourselves to be addicted to is life. Yes—it will ultimately kill us; none of us survives life. But we should always seek to get a high from life—a high that’s achieved by living life and not by using drugs and toys to hide from life. That, coming from a pessimist whose nicknames include Marvin the paranoid android.

I have very little experience of unhealthy addiction. The nearest I’ve come to an unhealthy addiction was a several-months-long obsession with Pacman when it first came out in the early 1980s. Oh – and I spent seven shillings (35 pence; about 70 Canadian cents) one week on the penny slot machines when I was about twelve years old. I honestly believe that I have an addictive personality—that’s to say that I could see myself easily becoming addicted to any number of things—so I deny myself anything that might become an addiction. Don’t picture me as some kind of Puritan (or if you do, please spell it with a small “p”!) Instead, call me a scaredy-cat.

In spite of my pessimism, I plan to stay addicted to life. I hope life remains addicted to me, although I know that at some point in the next 50 years or so it will kick its “me” habit.

I just hope I never live to see a world addicted to Brussels sprouts—the huge increase in greenhouse gas emissions might just hit the tipping point for our planet’s ecosystems!

Your Turn

What’s your prediction for the next major addiction? Think along the lines of “relatively unharmful” in keeping with the (mostly) light, entertaining tone of this piece! Let the world know by leaving a comment.