Now There’s a Choice of New Car Smells

(~2 minutes to read)

News item: Stink bugs threaten New Zealand car imports

The background to this story is much more serious than you would suppose from the headline. But that’s what you get for calling an insect with a perfectly healthy Latin name (Halyomorpha halys) “stink bug”. (The seriousness of the story stems from the stink bug’s rapid global spread and its voracious appetite for crops, particularly fruits. Given that New Zealand is full of Kiwis, there’s a problem.)

Halyomorpha halys is native to China, Japan and nearby countries, but has been introduced to other countries via imported goods from those countries. (For goodness’ sake, don’t let Trump learn about this—he’ll shut down all imports from that region!)

But serious or no, there’s always a humorous angle to a story; the only question is whether or not that angle will pass the propriety filters of “most” people.

In the case of this news article, I see possibilities.

There are currently twelve thousand cars that potentially contain stink bugs sitting on ships. They won’t be allowed into New Zealand until they’ve been fumigated. The approved insecticide damages upholstery. The insecticide that works isn’t (yet) approved for use in NZ. But assuming the cars do get fumigated and landed, car dealerships will have a new problem.

Stink bugs emit a pungent odour when threatened. I can’t help thinking that a fumigant counts as a threat, so if I’m right, those stink bugs are going to unload before they croak.

You know that “new car” smell that everyone seems to crave? There’s likely to be twelve thousand cars in dealerships in New Zealand with a new “new car” smell. And I think they’ll be a hard sell. Dealers will have to offer heavy incentives (or should that be “inscentives”?) to move the cars.

By the way, that “new car” smell is made up of a cocktail of volatile organic compounds (VOCs)—gases given off by the plastics and glues and fabrics that make up a car’s interior. Some are potentially fatal in large-enough doses; others are merely bad for you.

Which gives rise to the thought that if insecticides are harmful to humans, and if VOCs are so bad for humans, why wouldn’t the VOCs kill the stink bugs? They’re much, much smaller than we are, so surely the fatal dosage is correspondingly smaller.

Or am I showing my scientific/entomological ignorance by being pseudo-logical?

If you were wondering about that Latin name, and something about bad breath was clanging around in your head, you’re right; the “halys” in halyomorpha halys shares the same root as halitosis—the posh name for bad breath.

Still—at least halitosis is better than no breath at all.

Meanwhile, I think we can safely say that twelve thousand cars might have very attractive price tags on them. In Canada (and elsewhere), dealerships resort to “hail sales” to get rid of vehicles damaged in hailstorms. Might I suggest that Kiwi car salesmen start planning for their “halys sales”?