{"id":801,"date":"2017-10-16T00:01:45","date_gmt":"2017-10-16T06:01:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/?p=801"},"modified":"2020-02-15T19:06:24","modified_gmt":"2020-02-16T02:06:24","slug":"living-on-the-edge","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/2017\/10\/16\/living-on-the-edge\/","title":{"rendered":"Living on the Edge"},"content":{"rendered":"

Headline: “Roadkill deaths driving some species to the edge<\/a>”<\/p>\n

The animals of Nickeldime Wood had convened at the Old Lightning Tree for what in less politically-sensitive times would have been referred to colloquially as a pow wow. Friend and foe, and predator and prey were all gathered there. Such meetings were rare, but if one thing was guaranteed to bring them together, it was a common enemy and a potential change of rules in the game of life.<\/p>\n

Okay; that was two things.<\/p>\n

Nearest to The Tree, chipmunks, squirrels of all colours and habits, mice, voles, marmots and rabbits conversed excitedly, very aware that they were being sized up as potential fodder by the coyotes that sat a few rows back with drool dripping from their great long tongues like meltwater from an icicle. A small herd of deer grazed nervously behind the coyotes, hoping that if push came to shove, the rodents would distract the coyotes long enough for the deer to get the heck out of there.<\/p>\n

Between the small rodents and the big dogs sat a number of foxes. Their cubs tumbled with each other, oblivious to the longing stares being stared longingly by the bald eagles roosting in the lower branches of a nearby tree. Now and again, a fox cub would roll into a grumpy porcupine that was sitting next to them shooting quills at a good-looking lady porcupine who was clearly out of his league and looking mightily dis-chuffed.<\/p>\n

A great horned owl (it\u2019s always the bloody owl that takes charge in these kind of stories, isn\u2019t it!) sat on the lowest branch of the Old Lightning Tree, mentally taking attendance. Satisfied that all who were able to had arrived, he cleared his throat and caused a pellet of bones and fur to drop on the ground right in front of the voles. Their horrified silence spread throughout the rest of the gathering, and the meeting came to order.<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks for taking time from your hectic survival schedule to be here this evening,\u201d said the owl. \u201cAs you know, the roads around here have got a lot busier in the last year or two, due to the opening of that Costco at the corner of the wood. While it\u2019s generated a lot of garbage for some of us to scavenge from, it\u2019s also made life a lot more dangerous for those of us who cross the road with any kind of regularity. You\u2019ve probably heard that the chicken doesn\u2019t cross the road anymore since a BMW helped her be on both sides at the same time.\u201d<\/p>\n

Murmurs of \u201cNever could make up her mind which side she wanted to be,\u201d rippled across the crowd. The owl hooted for order.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn short, those roads are threatening to make us extinct in this region. What chance does a painted turtle stand against a half-ton truck? It\u2019s not like they\u2019re heavily disguised\u2014they\u2019re painted<\/em> turtles, for pete\u2019s sake! I can see them from miles away\u2014or I would be able to if there were any left in the wood.\u201d<\/p>\n

A white-tailed deer sought permission to speak.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s like trench warfare out there!\u201d she said. \u201cYou poke your head out of the ditch and run hell for leather, but they get you before you\u2019ve gone more than three paces! I\u2019ve lost three husbands, two common-law partners, three kids, and a couple of sibs since Costco opened!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUs ground squirrels are dropping like flies!\u201d said a three-legged specimen of Urocitellus richardsonii<\/em>. \u201cTens of us get squished every day! There we are, foraging happily, and perhaps we see a nice grasshopper a foot or two nearer the centre line. Well of course we\u2019re going to go and catch it, but our tiny brains are so focused on the grasshopper that we forget our road-crossing skills. Then\u2026 Splat! Our tiny little brains are smeared over a surprisingly large area!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cY-e-e-s-s-s; and they taste absolutely di-v-i-i-n-e\u2026\u201d drawled a big black crow that no one had noticed in the Old Lightning Tree.<\/p>\n

\u201cEnough of that!\u201d said the owl. \u201cYou crows hang about in a murder, just waiting for a vehicle to do your dirty work for you\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBetter than hanging about in a parliament, boring us all to death with your endless talking!\u201d said the crow.<\/p>\n

A kettle of hawks swooped down on the murder of crows and dispersed them. The ground squirrels high-foured each other, then realized that the arrival of the kettle of hawks meant that they had potentially moved from the frying pan to the fire. They milled around trying hard not to be left on the outside of the pack.<\/p>\n

\u201cLook,\u201d said the three-legged ground squirrel, \u201cthere\u2019s so many of us been squished that if we\u2019d put up a little white cross for each of them, the ditch would look like\u2026 like a place with lots of little white crosses! I tell you, we\u2019re all on edge, never knowing who\u2019s going to be next!\u201d<\/p>\n

One of the hawks (whose own love of gopher guts equalled the crows\u2019 but whose sense of decorum kept his instincts in check) piped up. \u201cIf it wasn\u2019t for the hawks and the crows, that road would be\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026and the ravens\u2026\u201d quoth a raven.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh you do carry on! Ravens, rooks, crows; you all look the same!\u201d muttered the hawk.<\/p>\n

\u201cSame goes for hawks, kestrels and falcons!\u201d quoth the raven. \u201cOnce you\u2019ve seen one hawk, you\u2019ve seen them all!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s enough!\u201d yelled the owl, his hoot more of a ship\u2019s foghorn than a nocturnal bird\u2019s call. \u201cLook, we know that the ground squirrels are having a hard time of it. But we do have to acknowledge the service provided by the carrion eaters\u2014they\u2019re keeping the place healthy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHealthy?!\u201d screeched a rabbit.<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry, I meant \u2018hygienic\u2019,\u201d said the owl. \u201cIf I can return the meeting to the issue\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

The oldest and wiliest of the foxes raised a paw. \u201cIf I might be allowed to make a suggestion…\u201d<\/p>\n

The turned heads and silence were permission enough. One smartsheep (there were no donkeys at the meeting) said under her breath, \u201cWell? What does<\/em> the fox say?\u201d The coyotes silenced her, gangnam-style.<\/p>\n

\u201cPerhaps we should re-organize our lives so that we don\u2019t have to keep on crossing that road,\u201d observed the fox. \u201cAfter all, we seem to be safe just as long as we don\u2019t go any further than the hard shoulder. This would seem to indicate that we should treat it as an impassable barrier. Now, that might mean that small creatures might get trapped by one of us predators, and feel they have to choose between playing chicken with the traffic and becoming breakfast for one of us. This could be avoided by declaring the hard shoulders a \u201csafe zone\u201d: no creature may catch any other creature while they\u2019re on the edge of the road.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut what if some car comes along and drives on the edge?\u201d asked a partridge, who had joined the meeting a few moments earlier.<\/p>\n

\u201cThen I suggest we get our brother grizzly bear to arbitrate,\u201d said the fox, smiling wickedly.<\/p>\n

\u201cGreat idea, Mr. Fox!\u201d said the gophers in unison.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, that\u2019s fantastic, Mr. Fox!\u201d said the partridge, picking pear skin out of its teeth.<\/p>\n

\u201cStupid idea!\u201d said the crows in unison. \u201cWe\u2019ll bloody starve!\u201d offered one of their number by way of justification.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I think there is wisdom in what the fox says,\u201d said the owl. (The sheep smiled, vindicated.) \u201cThese roadkill deaths are driving us to the edge of the road. It\u2019s the only way to stay safe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo can we vote on this?\u201d asked a ground squirrel. \u201c\u2019The hard shoulders are a safe zone.\u2019 Can we vote?\u201d<\/p>\n

And so they voted. The small animals vastly outnumbered the larger ones, and the edge of the road was declared a neutral zone. Predators had to leave the area after ten minutes if their prey hadn\u2019t surrendered.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow do we make this official? Binding?\u201d asked a chipmunk.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll get something put in the newspapers,\u201d said the owl. \u201cI\u2019ll tell the humans that even though they\u2019re killing us in droves, we\u2019re more civilized, and have taken the high road by declaring the hard shoulder a neutral zone for predators and prey.\u201d<\/p>\n

And so he did.<\/p>\n

And the headline read, \u201cRoadkill deaths driving some species to the edge.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Headline: “Roadkill deaths driving some species to the edge” The animals of Nickeldime Wood had convened at the Old Lightning Tree for what in less politically-sensitive times would have been referred to colloquially as a pow wow. Friend and foe, and predator and prey were all gathered there. Such meetings were rare, but if one thing was guaranteed to bring… Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[181],"tags":[448,419,447],"class_list":["post-801","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fake","tag-anthropomorphism","tag-roadkill","tag-rules-of-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/801","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=801"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/801\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1525,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/801\/revisions\/1525"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=801"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=801"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=801"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}