{"id":662,"date":"2017-06-19T00:01:07","date_gmt":"2017-06-19T06:01:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/?p=662"},"modified":"2020-02-15T19:29:16","modified_gmt":"2020-02-16T02:29:16","slug":"lost","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/2017\/06\/19\/lost\/","title":{"rendered":"Lost"},"content":{"rendered":"

Headline<\/a>: Remains of five ‘lost’ Archbishops of Canterbury found<\/h2>\n

Once he\u2019d gotten over the surprise of meeting four people in the 56 mile-long tunnel, Archbishop John Moore said, \u201cSo where are we?\u201d His question echoed its way along and around the walls of the underground chamber at which he had just arrived.<\/p>\n

\u201cBeats me,\u201d replied Archbishop Cornwallis. \u201cIf it wasn\u2019t so cold down here, I\u2019d say we were in Satan\u2019s domain.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNone of us knows,” added Archbishop Thomas Tenison. \u201cWe\u2019re hoping you can get us out of here,\u201d he whined.<\/p>\n

Archbishop Matthew Hutton felt the need to interject.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d like to interject here, if I may,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

The other four looked at him expectantly. After a suitably respectful pause, Archbishop Richard Bancroft said, \u201cWhat didst thou desire to say?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, nothing,\u201d replied Hutton. \u201cI just felt the need to interject.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPillock!\u201d muttered Bancroft under his breath.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s go over what we know,\u201d suggested Archbishop Cornwallis. A tactician from a family of tacticians and strategists, he was a natural leader. \u201cYoung Moore here was on his way from Canterbury to Lambeth via the Old Kent tunnels.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s right,\u201d said Archbishop Moore, the youngest, and therefore the life if not the soul of the party. \u201cI needed to get to London to speak with His Majesty on the matter of my succession, and my advisers strongly recommended that I travel underground.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSounds familiar,\u201d interjected Archbishop Hutton.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo they took me to the cloisters and dug a hole in the enclosure to gain access to the secret tunnel.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t tell me\u2014eight feet long, two-and-a-half feet wide and six feet deep,\u201d interjected the interjectioner.<\/p>\n

\u201cActually, yes,\u201d said Moore, somewhat surprised at Hutton\u2019s knowledge. \u201cSo anyway, they lowered me into the tunnel entrance, and I made my way to London. Kind of like the Canterbury Tales, but on my own, underground, and in the opposite direction.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo London and Canterbury marked the limits of the journey, but otherwise there was no similarity whatsoever,\u201d observed Archbishop Tenison.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome to think of it, when you say it like that\u2026\u201d responded Archbishop Moore.<\/p>\n

\u201cDidst thou meet any personages along the way?\u201d asked Archbishop Bancroft.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you mean millers, or summoners, or manciples, or whatever, then no,\u201d replied Moore.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust out of interest,\u201d interjected Hutton, \u201cDid you feel like your advisers were keen to get you on your way?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey did advise haste in the matter,\u201d replied Moore. \u201cThey kept on reminding me about what happened to Thomas a Becket. Not that I see any similarity in the situation.\u201d<\/p>\n

The group lapsed into silence\u2014 so quiet that you couldn\u2019t even hear them breathe.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo what do we do?\u201d asked Hutton, feeling the need to break the silence but not to actually interject.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat we always do when someone joins us,\u201d said Cornwallis. We look for a way up to ground level. We\u2019d most likely recognize where we are, and then we can ask for directions to Lambeth Palace.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI did attempt that when first I encountered this Godda\u2026 Godforsaken place,\u201d Bancroft informed the gathered prelates. \u201cAlack and alas, I failed in my quest.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut with five of us, at least one of us should recognize something up there. A church; a public building; an alehouse\u2026\u201d offered Moore.<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026a bawdy house\u2026\u201d interjected Hutton.<\/p>\n

\u201cThou misunderstandeth me,\u201d countered Bancroft. \u201cI was unable to locate an egress to the upper world.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re not talking about a stairway to heaven,\u201d scoffed Hutton, \u201cjust a ladder to street level.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd I speak of being unable to find any such access,\u201d returned Bacroft.<\/p>\n

There was another pause.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re buggered then,\u201d said Archbishop Moore. \u201cWe might just as well lie down and die.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s the ticket,\u201d said Hutton. \u201cThat\u2019s what we all did.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Headline: Remains of five ‘lost’ Archbishops of Canterbury found Once he\u2019d gotten over the surprise of meeting four people in the 56 mile-long tunnel, Archbishop John Moore said, \u201cSo where are we?\u201d His question echoed its way along and around the walls of the underground chamber at which he had just arrived. \u201cBeats me,\u201d replied Archbishop Cornwallis. \u201cIf it wasn\u2019t… Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[181,487],"tags":[374,375,376,373],"class_list":["post-662","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fake","category-stories","tag-canterbury","tag-lambeth-palace","tag-lost","tag-lost-archbishops"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/662","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=662"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/662\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1542,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/662\/revisions\/1542"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=662"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=662"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=662"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}