Personal experiences are not the best fodder for articles unless they\u2019re paradigm-changing, or heroic, or they cure world hunger. So I\u2019m going to couch this article about my social media virginity in terms of questions that social media harlots can relate to.<\/p>\n
Last week I tried to describe <\/a>the inner turmoil of a person who doesn\u2019t see the point of social media when they realize that it\u2019s the only way to spread the word about them and their work. This week I\u2019m setting myself up for disappointment by asking you for help.<\/p>\n Okay\u2014so calling you a social media harlot probably wasn\u2019t the smartest first move. Let\u2019s just put that down to wedding night nerves shall we?<\/p>\n On November 24th<\/sup>, 2016, I created Twitter and Facebook accounts for myself. That followed days of checking out potential handles and worrying about whether or not people would think I was good enough, or thoughtful enough\u2014the same things that a bride- (or groom-) to-be might worry about.<\/p>\n (Come off it\u2014what bride-to-be spends the days leading up to her wedding worrying about handles (as in names; not door handles, pan\u00a0 handles, man handles or love handles)? \u201cOh my\u2014what pet name might Algernon think of for me? Pookums? SyrupOfFigsFace? Slave of Algie?\u201d<\/span> So\u2014first question\u2014how did you Twitterati choose your handle? Is it short? Easy to remember? Identifies you easily? How many did you try and find were already taken before you landed on one? For me, it was 42. @RegGothard (my real name) was number 43. It\u2019s longer than I\u2019d like (has any groom-to-be ever worried about that<\/em>?) but there\u2019s no doubt about ease of identification and remembering.<\/p>\n Tip \u2013 use Namechk.com to check if a name is available at over 130 sites including Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Flickr. (They check Google+ also, but when I was using it, it kept on returning an error.)<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Anyway\u2014I now have FB and Twitter accounts with bios that match each other and my website\u2019s. I\u2019ve filled out part of my profiles. But I haven\u2019t yet posted a headshot. That\u2019s another stressfest. \u201cIt can\u2019t just be any photo\u2014it has to evoke the persona I wish to convey to be followers-to-be. And it has to be a genuine photo\u2014no trying to pass off as (insert name of hunk-du-jour)\u201d.<\/p>\n Honestly, I over-analyze everything more than even Nina Proudman<\/a> does. She knows she does it; I know I do it; the difference is that she\u2019s a fictional character.<\/p>\n Sometimes I wish I was.<\/p>\n Despite all this work and worrying I\u2019ve done in order to get started on FB and Twitter, I\u2019ve yet to post anything.<\/p>\n Anything<\/em><\/strong>.<\/p>\n \u201cHi everybody\u201d seems crass. \u201c#myfirstweet\u201d seems crass. I\u2019m sorely tempted to go with the plaintive cry of the stereotypical new bride of many an old novel\u2014\u201cBe gentle with me\u201d. But social media is an unforgiving place, and I\u2019m pretty sure that such a plea would result in a robust deflowering. And I don\u2019t have a mother to run home to, so I\u2019d have to deal with the pain and humiliation on my own.<\/p>\n So\u2014second question\u2014what was your first ever tweet, or FB post? Did it include pictures of cute puppies or fluffy bunnies? And how did the world react?<\/p>\n As I mentioned earlier, I don\u2019t see the point of social media. Some people are happy to announce their rising, their breakfast menu, the colour and style of their underwear, the efficiency (or otherwise) of their bowels, and many other not-in-the-least-bit-interesting factoids on social media. Perhaps I should get over myself.<\/p>\n Up at 8 #lateriser. Meusli and coffee #breakfast. Blue Stanfield\u2019s briefs #undies. I\u2019m a three- or four-a-day man #poophabits.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n There. That could be my first tweet. 126 characters. Four hashtags (one too many, perhaps) and all the information a social media harlot would desire.<\/p>\n But wait. Pictures are worth a thousand \u201cpick me\u201d points to Google and FB. So I need an image. Breakfast bowl and coffee mug? My underwear drawer? Me on the can? Me on the can with my breakfast bowl and coffee mug in my underwear drawer on my lap?<\/p>\n Life is so hard for a social media virgin. Bad decisions could mar that \u201cfirst time\u201d experience and scar me for life. (And if I posted a picture of me on the can, I\u2019d scar my kids for life too!)<\/p>\n So\u2014last question\u2014what should my first tweet or FB post be, and what kind of image should accompany it?<\/p>\n #help! Need #advice! Please give generously.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Personal experiences are not the best fodder for articles unless they\u2019re paradigm-changing, or heroic, or they cure world hunger. So I\u2019m going to couch this article about my social media virginity in terms of questions that social media harlots can relate to. Last week I tried to describe the inner turmoil of a person who doesn\u2019t see the point of… Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[488],"tags":[245,246,239,241,240],"class_list":["post-466","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-bbs","tag-reggothard","tag-firsttweet","tag-facebook","tag-social-media","tag-twitter"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/466","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=466"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/466\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1652,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/466\/revisions\/1652"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=466"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=466"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=466"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n Invalid interjection. I was commenting on my previous sentence a little literally.)<\/span><\/p>\n\n
\n