I recently spotted a \u201cfunny\u201d doing the rounds (unfortunately without attribution, so I can\u2019t give credit\u2026) Here it is.<\/p>\n
\n(Food falls on the floor)<\/em><\/p>\n
Germs<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Suppertime! Let\u2019s go guys!<\/p>\n
King Germ<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 No! We must wait five seconds. It is the rule.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
But what happened next? This can now be revealed.<\/p>\n
\n\n
\n Germ 1 <\/strong> <\/td>\n Rule? Or guideline? <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n King <\/strong> <\/td>\n Rule. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Germ 2 <\/strong> <\/td>\n With the greatest of respect, your majesty, where is this rule written down? <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n King <\/strong> <\/td>\n I know not the answer to your question. Underlings\u2014where is this rule codified? <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Underling 1 <\/strong> <\/td>\n Unfortunately, its origins are lost in the mists of history. For countless hundreds of generations, it has been so. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Underling 2 <\/strong> <\/td>\n I remember my predecessor telling me about a germ that came down a mountain with scrolls containing a set of Policies and Procedures. Perhaps it was in there somewhere. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n <\/td>\n There is the sound of a \u201cPOP!\u201d as germs\u2019 cells divide. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n King A <\/strong> <\/td>\n Can someone get me up to speed on business? <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Underling 1 <\/strong> <\/td>\n We were just discussing\u2026 <\/tr>\n \n <\/td>\n We hear another \u201cPOP!\u201d as cells divide. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Underling 1A <\/strong> <\/td>\n \u2026the origin of the \u201cfive second rule\u201d. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Germ 1A <\/strong> <\/td>\n Yes. We\u2019re wondering why we have to wait a significant percentage of our lives before we\u2019re allowed to make a move on food that falls on the floor. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Germ 2A <\/strong> <\/td>\n It\u2019s a miracle we split as often and as reliably as we do, given how much of our lives we spend waiting for the five seconds to pass. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n <\/td>\n We hear another \u201cPOP!\u201d. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n King A(i) <\/strong> <\/td>\n Can someone get me up to speed on business? <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Underling 1A <\/strong> <\/td>\n Oh this is impossible! How can we conduct royal business when we keep on dividing into two? I mean, we commoners seem to be able to retain memories each time we split, but these royal germs seem to start from scratch every time they divide. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Germ 2A <\/strong> <\/td>\n What do we need a King for anyway? <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n <\/td>\n We hear another \u201cPOP!\u201d. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Germ 2A(i) <\/strong> <\/td>\n It\u2019s not like we live long enough to be organized into armies or to be punished for some crime or other\u2026 <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Germ 1A(i) <\/strong> <\/td>\n Or to be knighted or have some other title conferred up on us\u2026 <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Germ 2A(i) <\/strong> <\/td>\n Yeah\u2026 So what is the point? <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Underling 1A(i) <\/strong> <\/td>\n It\u2019s more to do with prestige. The pomp and ceremony. You know; the orderly processions to pieces of dropped food, and so on. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n <\/td>\n We hear another \u201cPOP!\u201d. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Underling 2A(i) <\/strong> <\/td>\n Think of how chaotic it\u2019d be if we had no figurehead leader. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Underling 1A(i)(a) <\/strong> <\/td>\n Yeah. How would we make sure that we infected the entire piece of food? <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Underling 2A(i) <\/strong> <\/td>\n Precisely. If we left any piece of it uninfected, then the humans might not get sick, and they\u2019d lose their fear of us. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n King A(i)(a) <\/strong> <\/td>\n I get the impression you didn\u2019t bring my predecessor up to speed on business\u2026 <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Underling 1A(i)(a) <\/strong> <\/td>\n An oversight your majesty, which we all regret. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Underling 2A(i) <\/strong> <\/td>\n (nudging Underling 1\u2019s descendant) <\/em>I believe your majesty is mistaken, as is my learned colleague here. We did\u2026 <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n <\/td>\n We hear another \u201cPOP!\u201d. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Underling 2A(i)(a) <\/strong> <\/td>\n \u2026brief your predecessor King Gerald MMMLVIII on all pertinent matters. Presumably, he saw fit to judge those matters as irrelevant to his successors. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Germ 2A(i)(a)(1) <\/strong> <\/td>\n Why is it always the first of each set of twins that gets to speak after they split? <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Underling 2A(i)(a) <\/strong> <\/td>\n Because it is the rule! <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Germ 2A(i)(a)(1) <\/strong> <\/td>\n Like the five second rule, you mean? <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Underling 2A(i)(a) <\/strong> <\/td>\n Precisely! Although\u2026 a thought has just occurred to me\u2026 <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n <\/td>\n We hear another \u201cPOP!\u201d. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Underling 2A(i)(a)(1) <\/strong> <\/td>\n How does the King remember the five second rule when he divides? <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Underling 1A(i)(a) <\/strong> <\/td>\n Must be what makes royalty special\u2026 the ability to remember the five second rule no matter how many divisions they go through. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Underling 2A(i)(a)(1) <\/strong> <\/td>\n Ahhh! The enlightenment of royalty! They know how to divide and rule! <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n <\/td>\n And as the underling finished delivering the only joke known to the germ species, the smell of chlorine invaded their nostrils<\/em>, genocide (and germicide) ensued, and their empire fell. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I recently spotted a \u201cfunny\u201d doing the rounds (unfortunately without attribution, so I can\u2019t give credit\u2026) Here it is. (Food falls on the floor) Germs\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Suppertime! Let\u2019s go guys! King Germ\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 No! We must wait five seconds. It is the rule. But what happened next? This can now be revealed. Germ 1 Rule? Or guideline? King Rule. Germ 2 With… Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[486],"tags":[652,651],"class_list":["post-1484","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-scripts","tag-five-second-rule","tag-germs"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1484","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1484"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1484\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1503,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1484\/revisions\/1503"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1484"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1484"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1484"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}