![\"A](\"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/20181027-Geese.jpg\")
<\/p>\nI was watching a large skein of geese flying at several thousand feet last weekend.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The way the sun caught them made them look like molten silver. I tried photographing them (\u2018cause these days, it didn\u2019t happen if there\u2019s no pictures) but they were too high, and in any case, the moment was lost by the time I found them in the viewfinder.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s the result anyway. It looks slightly<\/em> better at 18 megapixels\u2026<\/p>\n I decided to console myself by imagining what was going on up there.<\/p>\n \u201cWho\u2019s the\u2026 goose up front?\u201d panted Doris.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s Jasmine,\u201d came the reply from her nearest neighbour.<\/p>\n \u201cNot\u2026 hanging around, is she,\u201d responded Doris. \u201cAt this rate\u2026 we\u2019ll get ourselves in the\u2026 Geeseness Book of Records\u2026 for the fastest migration by a\u2026 flock of birds.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s her plan,\u201d honked Willy from behind Doris. \u201cShe\u2019s also planning to lead us on a mass divebomb at the President\u2019s place as we pass over it. Now that<\/em><\/strong> will get us in the news\u2026 seven thousand, nine hundred and something geese dropping our loads on those beautiful black limos and Suburbans\u2014we\u2019ll make those puppies look like dalmatians!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDownright bloody childish, if you ask me,\u201d retorted Doris. \u201cBesides, does Jasmine seriously think we\u2019ll be capable of synchronized guano-dropping after flying this fast for so long? We\u2019ll be dehydrated, hungry, tired\u2026 our sugar levels will be so low we won\u2019t be able to co-ordinate honking let alone\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re going to stop and rest a few hours north of the target,\u201d offered Dodi. \u201cRe-fuel, final briefing\u2026 you know the drill.\u201d<\/p>\n Meanwhile, on the other wing of the \u201cV\u201d formation\u2026<\/p>\n \u201cWhy are we flying so high?\u201d whined Georgie, a yearling gander.<\/p>\n \u201cCause we like the view up here,\u201d replied Maisie, his mother.<\/p>\n \u201cReally?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo! It\u2019s so we\u2019re out of range of the anti-goosecraft guns down there,\u201d honked Maisie. \u201cThose humans track us during the migration season and come out in droves to blast us out of the air. They\u2019re so adversarial. It\u2019s not like we poop on their cars as part of a campaign for world domination. It\u2019s just that they\u2019re so shiny and irresistible. Before cars, the only shiny stuff available was knights\u2019 armour; smaller targets and not nearly so many of them.\u201d<\/p>\n Georgie\u2019s dad joined in from behind.<\/p>\n \u201cY\u2019see, son, we used to vary our departure dates to try and fool the anti-goosecraft batteries. But then they developed radar and heat-sensing and satellite imagery and Uff knows what else, so they\u2019re always there, waiting for us. And that\u2019s why we fly so high.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut Dad, what if they start coming after us in helicopters?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHush now Georgie,\u201d said Maisie. \u201cMost helicopters don\u2019t fly anywhere near this high, and if they did, then we have kamikaze geese who\u2019ll fly into their engine intakes and bring them down.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow do you get to be a kamikaze goose?\u201d enquired Petra, a good-looking yearling that Georgie had his eye on. Secretly, she was wondering if this might be a way to make the problem of Georgie\u2019s unwanted advances go away.<\/p>\n Georgie\u2019s Dad eyed her up and down. Maisie honked a wifely warning. Dad shrugged (not an easy thing to do in mid-flight) and answered his son\u2019s question.<\/p>\n \u201cPunishment for certain transgressions, like fraternizing with snow geese, withholding your guano over a cavalcade, or getting the skein lost while flying at the head of the formation.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo, if Jasmine leads us astray, she\u2019ll become a kamikaze goose?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s right, dear,\u201d said Maisie.<\/p>\n At the back of the formation, there was trouble.<\/p>\n \u201cKeep up, will you?\u201d honked Dave to his wife.<\/p>\n \u201cThat stupid goose at the front is going too fast!\u201d puffed Tina, his bride of several seasons.<\/p>\n \u201cBS, girl! You pigged out on barley at that last stop-off! You always overdo it, don\u2019t you! \u2018Enough\u2019s as good as a feast\u2019, I say. But not you!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf it\u2019s there, you should eat it,\u201d snapped Tina. \u201cYou never know when you\u2019ll eat again.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe weight you\u2019re carrying, you won\u2019t need to eat for a month!\u201d remarked Dave sourly. \u201cI tell you, if those hunters catch us on the ground, it\u2019ll be you they aim for. \u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause I\u2019m pretty?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause you\u2019re fat!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s not fair!\u201d whined Tina.<\/p>\n \u201cNow quit your whining. We\u2019re being left behind.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy don\u2019t you fly to the front, take the lead and slow us down a bit?\u201d pleaded Tina.<\/p>\n \u201cDo you really think I can catch up with Jasmine at this speed? Nobody\u2019ll be able to take over until she\u2019s ready to let them. You know how much harder it is to fly without the updraft from the bird in front to help\u2026 oh wait\u2014I think she\u2019s yielding the lead and dropping to the back for a rest.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, great!\u201d muttered Tina. \u201cjust what we need when I\u2019m feeling so tired\u2026 a fit young goose telling me to go on a diet and take some pride in my appearance. You\u2019ll be ogling her like a stupid teenager and\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMonogamy can only last so long,\u201d said Dave, trying to hide his grin.<\/p>\n \u201cShe\u2019s w-a-a-y<\/em> out of your league, buster!\u201d honked Tina.<\/p>\n \u201cHi Dave,\u201d said Jasmine, taking a position just in front of the unhappy couple. Dave couldn\u2019t believe his luck\u2014she knew his name, and <\/em><\/strong>her tail feathers, which were easy on the eye, were right in front of him\u2014he didn\u2019t have to do anything to sneak a crafty peek.<\/p>\n Tina was incensed. Summoning every last ounce of energy she made her way in front of Jasmine and let loose with the only weapon at her disposal. She caught Jasmine full in the face; behind her, Dave suffered some collateral damage.<\/p>\n Blinded, Jasmine fell out of formation, and her efforts to clear her vision caused her to spin out of control.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat the hell did you do that for?\u201d yelled Dave, struggling to maintain control himself.<\/p>\n \u201cDarned floozy! She got what she deserved!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s call it a warning shot,\u201d replied Tina. \u201cIf I ever catch you ogling the young birds like that again, you\u2019ll get what she got.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAfter all,\u201d she continued, \u201cwhat\u2019s \u2018sauce\u2019 for the goose is \u2018sauce\u2019 for the gander.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I was watching a large skein of geese flying at several thousand feet last weekend. The way the sun caught them made them look like molten silver. I tried photographing them (\u2018cause these days, it didn\u2019t happen if there\u2019s no pictures) but they were too high, and in any case, the moment was lost by the time I found them… Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1384,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[487],"tags":[627,625,626],"class_list":["post-1381","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-stories","tag-gaggle","tag-geese","tag-skein"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1381","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1381"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1381\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1390,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1381\/revisions\/1390"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1384"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1381"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1381"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1381"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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