![\"Gull\"](\"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/Gull.jpg\")
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News item: Barnstaple’s pink seagull is ‘talk of the town’<\/a><\/p>\n This is the fourth story in the ongoing saga of the Gull family. All have been inspired by stories about gulls on the BBC\u2019s website. Although this instalment stands on its own, you may want to read \u201cPreviously on Gullsville\u2026\u201d<\/a> below before wading through the ordure that is Gullsville Episode IV\u2014a New Trope.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n <\/a><\/p>\n After swearing off brewery waste for the rest of his life, Gary Gull had a hole in his social life that needed filling.<\/p>\n The brewery waste (and some no-good guy gulls) had got him riotously drunk, and he knew that he needed to stay away from \u201ctrouble\u201d if his mother and stepfather (one Kyle Kittiwake) were going to tolerate him continuing to live with them in their one room oil drum in a corner of the local landfill.<\/p>\n With all the enthusiasm of a teenager being required to kick his Fortnite<\/em> habit, Gary sought a new outlet to express his youthful exuberance and decided that a change of appearance might help him fit in with a different crowd.<\/p>\n He was fairly sure that piercings might affect his aerodynamics, so he passed on the rings, chains and such. And he was unable to find a tattooist who was prepared to work on him\u2014something to do with how the ink would behave in feathers\u2014so when he saw a Gull Pride gathering (not that he yet knew its name), he felt compelled to investigate.<\/p>\n The landfill that formed Gary\u2019s backyard had a hazardous waste section, where items such as household cleaners, used motor oil, Trump speech transcripts, and paint could be dropped off.<\/p>\n A small screech of gulls had congregated around the paint section and were showing great interest in the aerosols. Some of them were activating the cans while others flapped in the spray, transforming themselves from greyscale gulls into gloriously coloured creatures that could compete with peacocks, parrots and birds of paradise in their brilliance. There were reds and yellows, pinks and purples, blues and oranges. Some of the gulls were sticking to one or two colours, while others were flapping around in an orgy of acrylic alkyd colour.<\/p>\n When the paint ran out, they huffed the propellant.<\/p>\n Gary watched, totally mesmerized. He\u2019d never seen such uninhibited, seemingly harmless fun! Those were his peeps\u2014he\u2019d found his niche!<\/p>\n Gary waddled over to the gathering and tried to attract the attention of a neon green girl gull. \u201cSure! More the merrier!\u201d replied Qaitl\u2019nnn (for that\u2019s how she spelled \u201cKatelyn\u201d (or was it \u201cKaitlynne\u201d?)<\/a>) \u201cThe only rule is you have to operate the can for others before you can get sprayed yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSounds good! May I\u2026 could I spray you? That neon violet would go with the green really nicely!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWow! A guy who sees in more than sixteen colours and<\/em> knows his colour combinations!\u201d teased Qaitl\u2019nnn. \u201cBut don\u2019t go thinking you\u2019re gonna get lucky with me though.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI wouldn\u2019t dare!\u201d replied Gary. \u201cMum said, \u2018stay out of trouble, and don\u2019t bring trouble home.\u2019 so I\u2019m just looking for a fun crowd to hang out with.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay. Well, Gull Pride might be the fun crowd you\u2019re looking for,\u201d said Qaitl\u2019nnn positioning herself in front of the overturned violet spray can. \u201cNow, pump that paint, dude!\u201d<\/p>\n With a strength that mere humans would have thought impossible for a gull, Gary pushed the entire spray can against a wall, causing the valve to open and paint to spray over Qaitl\u2019nnn. She danced and gyrated, exposing the parts of her body that hadn\u2019t been sprayed green. Watching her move in this way, Gary felt a sensation in his cloaca that he\u2019d never felt before.<\/p>\n As the spray subsided, Qaitl\u2019nnn flapped her wings to speed up the drying process. Gary stared at Qaitl\u2019nn and saw her in a whole new way. Meanwhile, Qaitl\u2019nn was keen to experience a huffing high, and encouraged Gary to activate the now-paintless spray can again. She crouched down, inhaled deeply, and moved away quickly as a spatter of paint hit her face.<\/p>\n \u201cI have to ask,\u201d said Gary. \u201cWhy is it called \u2018Gull Pride\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell,\u201d replied Qaitl\u2019nnn, her eyes rolling up into her head slightly, \u201cwe\u2019re all gulls, right\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, although my stepfather\u2019s a kittiw\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd we want to give the impression we\u2019re strong and fierce, like lions, right\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut lions aren\u2019t multi-col\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd a large group of lions is called\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA pride. I know that, but what has the spray paint got to do with all that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBugger all, to be honest,\u201d said Qaitl\u2019nnn. \u201cWe just want to huff the propellant, but you have to empty the can first, and then we realized that spraying ourselves with the paints makes us stand out in the crowd, so paint sprays are a win-win for us.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo, basically, you\u2019re just a bunch of brightly-coloured junkies\u2026\u201d said Gary, his voice trailing off as he realized he was one huff away from trouble.<\/p>\n \u201cI wouldn\u2019t put it quite like that,\u201d said Qaitl\u2019nnn, \u201cbut yes.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd I thought Gull Pride was going to be my salvation!\u201d said Gary, the frustration and anger showing in his voice. \u201cI need to get out of here\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n There was an awkward pause in the conversation.<\/p>\n Eventually, Qaitl’nn said, \u201cD\u2019ya wanna come back to my place?\u201d<\/p>\n Gary hesitated.<\/p>\n \u201cAll right,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n (And if Monty Python can get away with finishing their sketches with that line, then so can I!)<\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n (This potted summary is for people who haven\u2019t read previous instalments of the Gull family chronicles)<\/em><\/p>\n It all started with a BBC news report about a gull being \u201crescued\u201d from a discarded tray of curry. Gullsville Episode I\u2014The Phantom Masala<\/em><\/a> has the gull complaining to his long-suffering wife about do-gooders interrupting his post-skinful curry; the episode ends with Mr. & Mrs. Gull returning to the curry tray for a moonlit meal for two.<\/p>\n A few weeks later, the BBC reported difficulties being experienced by a mail carrier\u2014he or she was being dive-bombed by aggressive seagulls. In unrelated news, the BBC had reported the Finnish postal organization diversifying into lawnmowing. In Gullsville Episode II\u2014Attack of the Drones<\/em><\/a>, these stories somehow mingled with the saga of Mr. and Mrs. Gull, the former of whom was one of the ringleaders of the mail carrier harassment squadron. Unfortunately, he met his doom at the blades of a lawnmower being operated by the harassed mail carrier. A kittiwake named Kyle broke the news to Mrs. Gull and ended up moving in with her to help raise her now-fatherless eggs.<\/p>\n More recently, there were reports of gulls getting drunk from feeding on brewery waste. It turned out that one of Mr. & Mrs. Gull\u2019s eggs (Gary by name) was among the drunkards. Gullsville Episode III\u2014Revenge of the Grist<\/em><\/a> chronicled his mother\u2019s and stepfather\u2019s reaction to Gary\u2019s inebriation, and ended with a very old joke.<\/p>\n You\u2019re now ready to read Gullsville Episode IV\u2014a New Trope<\/em><\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" News item: Barnstaple’s pink seagull is ‘talk of the town’ This is the fourth story in the ongoing saga of the Gull family. All have been inspired by stories about gulls on the BBC\u2019s website. Although this instalment stands on its own, you may want to read \u201cPreviously on Gullsville\u2026\u201d below before wading through the ordure that is Gullsville Episode… Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1253,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[181,487],"tags":[598,599,600],"class_list":["post-1277","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fake","category-stories","tag-gull","tag-gull-pride","tag-need-to-belong"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1277","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1277"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1277\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1253"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1277"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1277"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1277"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}\n
\n\u201cCan I join in?\u201d he squawked.<\/p>\n
\nPreviously in Gullsville\u2026<\/h1>\n