{"id":1261,"date":"2018-07-30T17:06:45","date_gmt":"2018-07-30T23:06:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/?p=1261"},"modified":"2018-07-30T17:06:45","modified_gmt":"2018-07-30T23:06:45","slug":"the-best-thing-since","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/2018\/07\/30\/the-best-thing-since\/","title":{"rendered":"The Best Thing Since…"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Note: My comments below on various comestibles and gadgets are only my opinion. You may think, believe or opine otherwise, and I respect that!)<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\"Sliced<\/p>\n

What is it with sliced bread? Why was it chosen to be the gold standard for new things?<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll admit it\u2019s convenient. But convenience is about the only thing that Kraft Singles and KD have going for them too, and other than the (unnatural) colour, there\u2019s nothing golden about them.<\/p>\n

Is it that the art of cutting a slice of bread has been lost along with goffering clothes, washing dishes by hand and making a decent pot of tea? Was the advent of the slot toaster the death knell for the unsliced loaf? Are there too many people who can\u2019t be trusted with sharp knives these days?<\/p>\n

But just for a moment, let\u2019s assume that sliced bread deserves its place at the top of the pile of life-changing inventions. We\u2019re now faced with a couple of questions.<\/p>\n

Before Sliced Bread<\/h1>\n

What was the best thing before<\/em> sliced bread? You know\u2014when sliced bread was invented, someone must have said, \u201cwow\u2014that\u2019s the best thing since\u2026\u201d: my question is, what does that ellipsis represent? <\/p>\n

Five minutes of research led to \u201cwrapped bread\u201d, which was, to be honest, a bit of a disappointment. This supposition is based on the belief that the phrase \u201cbest thing since sliced bread\u201d came about after sliced bread was introduced with the sales pitch, \u201cThe greatest forward step in the baking industry since bread was wrapped.\u201d<\/p>\n

But given that it was \u201cWonder Bread\u201d\u2014 lifeless, cotton-wool-textured, pure-white, cloned pseudo-bread\u2014that helped sliced bread become popular, it could well be that \u201cbest thing since sliced bread\u201d is a slightly tongue-in-cheek\u2014dare I say sarcastic\u2014compliment. After all, Wonder Bread isn\u2019t exactly packed with \u201cancient grains\u201d or \u201cwhole wheat\u201d or any of that good-for-you stuff. No, it was so anaemic that manufacturers had to add vitamin supplements to the dough to restore food value. It was either that, or they would have created a market for ABC sandwiches along the lines of BLT sandwiches, except that the A, B and C would have been vitamin tablets.<\/p>\n

Isn’t There Something Better Now?<\/h1>\n

Given that the phrase \u201cbest thing since sliced bread\u201d has been used so many times since the 1930s, there must be something<\/em> out there that\u2019s actually better<\/em> than sliced bread and should therefore be used as the new gold standard. What could it be?<\/p>\n

Velcro\u2122, perhaps? That wonderful hook-and-loop invention is indeed a \u201cwonder\u201d. But would the phrase, \u201cbest thing since Velcro\u201d usurp the sliced bread version? Would the trademark owners insist on a fee every time it was used? Let\u2019s face it, \u201cthe best thing since hook-and-loop fasteners\u201d really isn\u2019t going to catch on, is it. (Oops\u2014no pun intended.)<\/p>\n

What about the smartphone? After all, they\u2019re ubiquitous and addictive, and vast numbers of people define dystopia as life without Snapchat\/Facebook\/Twitter on their phone.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe best thing since the smartphone.\u201d Hmmm. Doesn\u2019t have a ring to it. (Oops \u2013 no pun intended.) And given the addictive, time-stealing, interruptive nature of smartphones, it really feels to me like more of a fool\u2019s gold standard than the real thing. By my measurement criteria, just about every invention since the mid-1990s could qualify for \u201cbest thing since the smartphone\u201d accolade, including the Bluetooth toaster<\/a>\u00a0 (which relies for its usefulness on the availability of sliced bread and a smartphone) to the \u201cPeter Petrie Egg Separator<\/a>\u201d which to be honest, strikes me as just plain tacky!<\/p>\n

Returning to an earlier thought, I wonder if we really need to think of something that is genuinely better than sliced bread that could be incorporated in a \u201cbest thing since\u201d 2.0 phrase. If it\u2019s meant as a tongue-in-cheek compliment, then perhaps the smartphone is the natural choice. After all, I think it might be a while before we saddle ourselves with another invention that has the same potential to spread the Big Brother societal norm.<\/p>\n

And smartphones have another couple of factors in their favour: they\u2019re a similar shape to sliced bread, and probably about as nutritious as snow-white cotton wool bread.<\/p>\n

So, dear reader, I charge you with a mission\u2014to spread the phrase \u201cbest thing since smartphones\u201d far and wide. And if I don\u2019t see the phrase move into everyday use by Thursday lunchtime, I\u2019ll likely stick my phone in the toaster and eat it with some blueberry jam.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Note: My comments below on various comestibles and gadgets are only my opinion. You may think, believe or opine otherwise, and I respect that!) What is it with sliced bread? Why was it chosen to be the gold standard for new things? I\u2019ll admit it\u2019s convenient. But convenience is about the only thing that Kraft Singles and KD have going… Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1263,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[181,490],"tags":[594,596,595],"class_list":["post-1261","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fake","category-the-commentaries","tag-sliced-bread","tag-smartphones","tag-velcro"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1261","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1261"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1261\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1263"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1261"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1261"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1261"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}