{"id":1146,"date":"2018-03-26T00:01:34","date_gmt":"2018-03-26T06:01:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/?p=1146"},"modified":"2020-02-15T19:15:50","modified_gmt":"2020-02-16T02:15:50","slug":"cheese","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/2018\/03\/26\/cheese\/","title":{"rendered":"Cheese"},"content":{"rendered":"

Headline<\/a>: Big Cheese festival apologises for running out of cheese<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Selection<\/p>\n

Normally, cheese gives a person bad dreams (or so the old wives\u2019 tales go), but for me, it\u2019s the lack<\/em> of cheese that leads to nightmares.<\/p>\n

A cheese festival with no cheese? That\u2019s almost as bad as a beer festival\u2014or even a pub\u2014with no beer<\/a>.<\/p>\n

To be fair to the organizers though, the festival was taking place in the wake of the \u201cbeast from the east\u201d\u2014a snowstorm that crippled the UK in late February. But surely if the visitors could get there then so should the vendors have been able to.<\/p>\n

Or maybe it\u2019s not that simple.<\/p>\n

One of Monty Python\u2019s sketches involves a cheese shop that\u2019s in a predicament similar to the cheese festival (the main differences being that (spoiler!) the shop had no cheese whatsoever and there was no snowstorm to blame). John Cleese goes through a list of forty-three cheeses\u2014from the universally-available cheddar to the fictional Venezuelan beaver cheese\u2014only to be told in a variety of ways that there is none available.<\/p>\n

It has its fans, but for me, it\u2019s one of Python\u2019s less-amusing sketches. Perhaps it\u2019s because cheese is a large part of my diet and I\u2019m offended by the thought of there being none.<\/p>\n

In the UK, there\u2019s a radio programme called Desert Island Discs<\/em> in which a guest celebrity chooses eight records that they could have with them if they were stranded on a desert island. The guest can also choose a book (the Bible and Shakespeare are thrown in for free) and one luxury.<\/p>\n

My luxury would be an endless supply of cheese. This would serve a double purpose. It would sustain me, and at some point in the future it would kill me, presumably by which time I\u2019d be fed up with being on an island with nothing but eight bloody records and the works of Shakespeare for company.<\/p>\n

Another friend recently posted the following: \u201cHappiness is a fridge full of cheese\u201d (ain\u2019t that the truth, Chris!) But one of her friends replied, \u201cunless it used to be milk.\u201d<\/p>\n

Way to spoil a fantasy!<\/p>\n

One thing that’s puzzled me for a long time is this: if cheese is such a wonderful food, why is it used so negatively in adjectival form? \u201cA cheesy restaurant.\u201d \u201cCheesy TV shows and movies.\u201d \u201cThe gameshow host threw the camera a big cheesy smile.\u201d <\/p>\n

Cheese should sue the English-speaking world for defamation of character!<\/p>\n

And why do we say \u201ccheese\u201d when we\u2019re having our pictures taken? I can understand it a little better since Wallace (of Wallace & Gromit fame) associated big smiles with wensleydale cheese for eternity, but prior to that? Perhaps \u201csay \u2018cheese\u2019\u201d was the inspiration for Nick Park to have Wallace be a cheese-eating smiler\u2026<\/p>\n

But back to the festival. Judging from the BigCheeseFest\u2019s Facebook page, the detractors and the organizers see things differently. If the organizers are to be believed, there was cheese to be had throughout the festival\u2014just not the variety that they\u2019d planned. If the detractors are to be believed, there\u2019s more cheese on the FaceBook page than there was at the festival.<\/p>\n

Once again, \u201ccheese\u201d used in a negative context, and by (presumably) a cheese lover.<\/p>\n

But here, in the collected works of Kelvin D. Hatch, there\u2019s no shortage of cheese, and no shortage of variety either. Now you\u2019re here, take a look around and see what tempts your palate. <\/p>\n

Enjoy!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Headline: Big Cheese festival apologises for running out of cheese Normally, cheese gives a person bad dreams (or so the old wives\u2019 tales go), but for me, it\u2019s the lack of cheese that leads to nightmares. A cheese festival with no cheese? That\u2019s almost as bad as a beer festival\u2014or even a pub\u2014with no beer. To be fair to the… Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":491,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[181,490],"tags":[664,259,543,182],"class_list":["post-1146","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fake","category-the-commentaries","tag-500words","tag-cheese","tag-cheesy-grin","tag-monty-python"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1146","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1146"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1146\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1532,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1146\/revisions\/1532"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/491"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1146"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1146"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1146"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}