![\"Leprechaun](\"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/Leprechaun.jpg\")
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(Yes; this is fake news. But at least I admit it!)<\/p>\n
A Redmond, Washington company has decided that St. Patrick\u2019s Day has become too commercialized and is seeking to make the lesser-known St. Redmond\u2019s Day the focus of the revelry.<\/p>\n
Bob Doors, the company\u2019s founder said, \u201cSt. Patrick\u2019s Day has lost its faith-based origins. Nowadays it\u2019s all about leprechauns, shamrocks, deely bobbers, derby hats, green clothing, green beer and even green rivers. Where is the recognition of St. Patrick\u2019s accomplishment of driving all the snakes out of Ireland?\u201d<\/p>\n
He added that if Microsoft could hire someone like St. Patrick to drive all the bugs out of Windows, the world might be a much better place.<\/p>\n
Doors, who changed his name from \u201cO\u2019Reardon\u201d in tribute to his famous Redmond neighbour, went on to say that he believes Saint Redmond would be a much more appropriate eponym for the commercial celebration.<\/p>\n
\u201cRedmond is the patron saint of stout,\u201d said Doors, \u201cand Ireland\u2019s traditional tipple is Guinness, perhaps the best-known stout in the world. Plus, \u2018Redmond\u2019 is an Irish version of a Germanic name and means \u2018counsellor\u2019 or \u2018protector\u2019. That\u2019s much more politically correct than the meaning of \u2018Patrick\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n
St. Patrick is the patron saint of Ireland, and his name comes from the Latin for \u201cnobly born\u201d, so in this respect Doors is correct\u2014 Redmond would be more democratic and proletarian than Patrick.<\/p>\n
But critics say that Doors is just trying to seek publicity and get his company\u2014MaxiGlass\u2014out of the shadow of his elephantine neighbour.<\/p>\n
\u201cAbsolutely not,\u201d said Doors. \u201cWhy would I worry about Microsoft? MaxiGlass makes replacement<\/em> windows.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIn any case,\u201d he added, \u201cwe\u2019ve already released the eleventh version of our product line.\u201d<\/p>\n Doors plans to promote his ideas\u2014and products\u2014via social media. They include hats with a creamy Guinness head, Guinness-coloured clothing (which, contrary to popular belief, is a deep (very deep!) dark red), deely bobbers that flick Guinness froth from their antennae, and dyed lager and other lite beers.<\/p>\n He also wants to replace the green rivers trend. \u201cThey look so unhealthy,\u201d said Doors. \u201cIt looks like a huge algae bloom has developed. But many rivers around the world already look like Guinness. The water is dark and mysterious-looking, and in many cases there\u2019s a foam on the surface that resembles beer froth. And for those rivers that run clear, they can be dyed with harmless vegetable dyes\u2014beet juice for example\u2014and some non-toxic dish soap foam introduced.\u201d<\/p>\n Doors believes that he\u2019s on to a winner.<\/p>\n \u201cMany people are embarrassed by the fact that they\u2019re taking part in a celebration that they have no cultural or hereditary ties with. It\u2019s like crashing a complete stranger\u2019s birthday party. St. Redmond doesn\u2019t have that same emotional baggage, so people can celebrate guilt-free.\u201d<\/p>\n Another point that makes sense in this proposal is that it\u2019s almost impossible to dye Guinness green.<\/p>\n \u201cIreland and Guinness are synonymous, yet it can\u2019t be part of the green celebration,\u201d says Doors. \u201cSt. Redmond\u2019s day solves the problem. People can drink beverages that look like Guinness even though they can\u2019t stand the real stuff, whereas if you dye lite beers green, it just looks like you\u2019re drinking Mountain Dew.\u201d<\/p>\n Paddy purists point to the fact that Ireland is nicknamed \u201cThe Emerald Isle\u201d, and that therefore the colour green is entirely appropriate. Doors dismisses this argument too.<\/p>\n \u201cYou can nickname anywhere anything,\u201d he says. \u201cMany people call Canada \u2018God\u2019s country\u2019, but there\u2019s not even any consensus within Canada as to whose god \u2018owns\u2019 the country. A good deal of New Zealand is astonishingly green, yet Kiwis don\u2019t refer to it as such; and of course, Greenland\u2019s name speaks for itself. Ireland\u2019s greenness doesn\u2019t really set it apart, but Guinness does.\u201d<\/p>\n St. Redmond\u2019s day falls on April 1st, and this, says Doors, is another benefit.<\/p>\n \u201cIn some parts of the northern hemisphere, rivers can still be frozen on March 17th and dying them green becomes problematic. Many more rivers are open by April 1st, and some may be running fast, carrying silt that makes them naturally dark. Folk in those areas only need to add the foam to make their celebration complete.\u201d<\/p>\n Whether or not St. Redmond\u2019s Day takes over from St. Patrick\u2019s Day is anybody\u2019s guess. But Doors believes the final part of his plan is the coup de gr\u00e2ce<\/em> for St. Paddy.<\/p>\n \u201cThe sad truth is that people feel compelled to sing traditional Irish songs on St. Patrick\u2019s Day,\u201d he says. \u201cBut the number of people who can join in without song sheets is dwindling. With St. Redmond, we\u2019ll be freed up to do karaoke with songs by U2, Sinead O\u2019Connor, The Boomtown Rats, Van Morrison, Thin Lizzy, Gilbert O\u2019Sullivan, Val Doonican, The Cranberries\u2026 the list goes on! Would you prefer to sing \u2018Irish Rover\u2019 or \u2018Beautiful Day\u2019? \u2018Seven Drunken Nights\u2019 or \u2018Zombie\u2019? \u2018Whiskey in the Jar\u2019 or \u2018Whiskey in the Jar\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n Doors may well be onto something. After all, who would shed a tear at the thought of never singing \u201cWhen Irish Eyes Are Smiling\u201d ever again?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" (Yes; this is fake news. But at least I admit it!) A Redmond, Washington company has decided that St. Patrick\u2019s Day has become too commercialized and is seeking to make the lesser-known St. Redmond\u2019s Day the focus of the revelry. Bob Doors, the company\u2019s founder said, \u201cSt. Patrick\u2019s Day has lost its faith-based origins. Nowadays it\u2019s all about leprechauns, shamrocks,… Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1142,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[181,41,490],"tags":[539,540,541,542,538],"class_list":["post-1141","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fake","category-notable-dates","category-the-commentaries","tag-green","tag-guinness","tag-redmond","tag-replacement-windows","tag-st-patrick"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1141","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1141"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1141\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1142"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1141"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1141"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1141"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}