{"id":1017,"date":"2018-02-12T00:01:35","date_gmt":"2018-02-12T07:01:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/?p=1017"},"modified":"2018-02-04T13:21:54","modified_gmt":"2018-02-04T20:21:54","slug":"therapy-animals","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/2018\/02\/12\/therapy-animals\/","title":{"rendered":"Therapy Animals"},"content":{"rendered":"

News item<\/a>: ‘<\/strong>Emotional support peacock’ barred from United Airlines plane<\/strong><\/p>\n

Apparently, airlines around the world are beginning to suspect that people are abusing the airlines\u2019 willingness to allow therapy animals to accompany anxious passengers. Peacocks and pigs are only two examples of therapy animals that might prompt a person to question the authenticity of passengers\u2019 anxiety.<\/p>\n

The following is an imagined conversation at the check-in desk of an airport.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
Check-in<\/td>\nThere are two tickets here, sir. Where\u2019s the other passenger?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\n(Laughing gently<\/em>) Eyesight issue, eh? There\u2019s a baby elephant standing beside me.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nI can see the elephant perfectly well, sir. It\u2019s the other passenger I don\u2019t see.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nChristian is<\/em> the other passenger.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nChristian, sir?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nChristian, the elephant. I called him that because he\u2019s fifty shades of grey.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nVery creative sir. So, you purchased a ticket for\u2026 Christian\u2026?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nYes, that\u2019s right.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nDo you always take a baby elephant with you on airplanes?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nI take Christian everywhere<\/em>. He\u2019s my therapy elephant. But this is his first time on a plane.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nUh-huh.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nHe\u2019s so affectionate, and when he senses that I\u2019m feeling anxious, he cuddles me with his trunk.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nAnd let me guess\u2014you\u2019re an anxious flyer.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nYou got it!<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nHave you thought about Christian\u2019s size, in relation to the airplane\u2019s facilities, sir?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nI have, but this flight is a jumbo-jet, right?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nYes, it is, but\u2026 never mind. Is it\u2026 he\u2026 house-trained?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nHello\u2026 it\u2019s an airplane\u2026<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nHave it your way\u2026 is Christian plane-trained?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nNo. But that\u2019s why I booked tickets in business class.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nVery good sir, very good. You seem to have all the puns covered here. Look\u2014the thing is, Christian here is a little on the large side to fit into even a business class seat\u2026<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nHas the airline been shrinking the seat sizes in business class again?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nNot that I\u2019m aware of sir. But they\u2019re designed for humans. And he definitely won\u2019t fit in the washroom.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nRemember I said he\u2019s not plane-trained?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nLook sir\u2026 it really isn\u2019t practical to take an elephant into the cabin of an airplane\u2014not even a jumbo jet. If he as an \u201caccident\u201d, someone will have to clean up the mess, and I\u2019m not sure our flight attendants are trained for that sort of thing.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nThat\u2019s fine. I\u2019ll deal with it.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nYou are aware that he\u2019ll have to go through the metal detector, which might be too narrow for him<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nWell if he doesn\u2019t fit, perhaps security can give him a pat-down and check him with their magic wand.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nOur equipment hasn\u2019t been tested on elephants, sir. And we have to be sure that he\u2019s not a suicide elephant. I mean, his trunk might be packed full of explosives!<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nYou cannot be serious! Do you honestly think I\u2019d try to smuggle explosives on board an airplane?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nYou never can tell, sir. We had a lady try to get her emotional support beehive on board last week. The bees were buzzing everywhere, but she said they were a non-stinging species. She lied though. And when security finally managed to open the hive, they found fifty pounds of semtex in among the honeycombs.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nWell, I\u2019m sure Christian will behave in the full-body scanner.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nAnd what about his trunk control? Isn\u2019t there a possibility he might help himself from the food cart, or take an healthy interest in the contents of the flight attendants\u2019 clothing?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nSorry?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nHe might stick his trunk up someone\u2019s skirt!<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nThat\u2019s a no-no, is it?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\n(sensing a win ) You bet it is, sir!<\/em><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nVery well. I\u2019ll tie his trunk down.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nDamn! Uhm\u2026 how do I know you\u2019re not trying to export ivory illegally?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nBecause I\u2019d have chosen a much bigger elephant, of course!<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nHmmm\u2026<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nSo we\u2019re good to go?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nNot quite, sir. That trunk of his is too big to go on as carry-on, and since you\u2019re likely reluctant to separate Christian from his trunk, he\u2019ll have to travel as checked baggage.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nThat’s not fair!<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nLife\u2019s like that, I\u2019m afraid, sir. Now if you wouldn\u2019t mind putting Christian on the scales\u2026 (Sarcastically<\/em>) Oh my! He\u2019s way over the 23kg limit. He\u2019s up at 545kg\u2014so\u2026 at current rates, that\u2019s\u2026 (taps on a calculator<\/em>) just over fifty-two grand.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nOuch! Can you refund his ticket price as credit towards the baggage cost?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nOh n-o-o-o sir. It\u2019s far too close to take-off for that.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nOh screw it. I don\u2019t suppose\u2026 I don\u2019t suppose you want a baby elephant, do you?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nI\u2019m afraid not.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nOh well. I guess he\u2019ll just have to go in the garbage along with the oversize toothpaste and shampoo.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Check-in<\/td>\nBut what about your anxiety sir?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Passenger<\/td>\nThere\u2019s a lounge for that!<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

News item: ‘Emotional support peacock’ barred from United Airlines plane Apparently, airlines around the world are beginning to suspect that people are abusing the airlines\u2019 willingness to allow therapy animals to accompany anxious passengers. Peacocks and pigs are only two examples of therapy animals that might prompt a person to question the authenticity of passengers\u2019 anxiety. The following is an… Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[181,486],"tags":[522,521,520],"class_list":["post-1017","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fake","category-scripts","tag-elephant","tag-peacock","tag-therapy-animal"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1017","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1017"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1017\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1017"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1017"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/reggothard.com\/kelvin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1017"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}