Category Archives: Nibble-sized Nonsense

Random topics; 500 words or fewer.
Intention is to provide new readers with a flavour of my style, and encourage them to read something a little longer.

How to Convince People the Earth’s Flat

Apparently, we can be blinded by “science” if “science” throws some diagrams, graphs or charts in with the information being peddled. This probably isn’t surprising, if you stop to think about it. In fact, the degree of surprise decreases with the amount of time you think about it, as shown in this graph. This really is a thing, according to… Read more »

Beware—Distracted Bagpipe Player

Headline: Driver caught practising bagpipes at wheel I’ve never hidden my feelings about bagpipes. My heart bursts at the sight and sound of a lone piper playing on a heather-carpeted ben across the glen from my vantage point. That solitary figure seems to magnify the sense of space; isolation; desolation. And the sound—it’s so mournful, and evocative of the Scottish… Read more »

Catching the Espresso Bus

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Headline: London Buses to Be Powered by Coffee Needless to say, this was a clickbait headline—coffee’s far too valuable a commodity to waste on powering transportation. But apparently, the new biofuel will be a blend of oils extracted from the coffee grounds and diesel. I’m not sure if this is an attempt to be innovative in the use of waste,… Read more »

More Fruit and Veg

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This past summer, I wrote a piece about political correctness where fruits and vegetables are concerned. It was based on a fictitious future (circa 2032) news item about scientists having discovered that fruit and veg can understand human languages. This led fruit and veggie advocates to inform the world that expressions such as “red as a beetroot”, “blow a raspberry”… Read more »

Teaching a New Dog Old Tricks

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News headline: Sheepdog puppy led a herd of sheep into his owners’ home To paraphrase the UB40 song from 1986— “There’s a sheep in mi kitchen, what am I gonna do?”… What would you do if you found nine sheep in your kitchen? Fall asleep as you counted them? Threaten them with the mint sauce jar? Tell them to get… Read more »

Fishy Flatulence

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It’s been discovered that herrings pass gas. While congregated in great shoals. The news isn’t new—in fact the background studies were done in the early 2000s—but my attention was drawn to it by a “Fact or Crap” page-a-day calendar (on September 21 to be precise). Where do I start? The pitch? The communal nature? The interpretation? So many facets—so little… Read more »

Nice Legs—Shame About the Peach Fuzz (aka bumfluff)

Headline: Schoolboys wear skirts in uniform protest The Scene: A meeting of the Board of Governors of the “Our Lady of Grantham” Academy, somewhere in the heartland of middle- to middle-upper-middle-class England. Seated around the table (which, it is rumoured, was once graced with the elbows of the Iron Lady herself) are: Elizabeth Swollocks, the school’s head teacher; Cyril Arbuthnot,… Read more »

Lost

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Headline: Remains of five ‘lost’ Archbishops of Canterbury found Once he’d gotten over the surprise of meeting four people in the 56 mile-long tunnel, Archbishop John Moore said, “So where are we?” His question echoed its way along and around the walls of the underground chamber at which he had just arrived. “Beats me,” replied Archbishop Cornwallis. “If it wasn’t… Read more »

A Novel Take on the Milk Train Concept

Back in the late ‘80s or early ‘90s, whoever it was that was running the over-ground rail network in England came out with a series of much-mocked (but valid) reasons for late and cancelled services. Autumn leaves made the wheels slip on the rails, reducing traction; and “the wrong type of snow” caused the trains’ electric motors to short-circuit. These… Read more »

What’s In a Name?

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A man in Nova Scotia has been banned from having his last name on his licence plate. It’s been determined that it’s now too rude. This, despite him having had the plate in the family for decades. Unfortunately, he’s just another victim of Trump’s style (or lack of it). The man in question is of German heritage; his name is… Read more »